THE COLOR OF MONEY
Love can't pay bills, so share credit reports before getting married

By Michelle Singletary

This column is for Kevin, who may be proposing to his sweetheart on Valentine's Day.

Kevin recently sent me an e-mail while I was on "The Diane Rehm Show" on National Public Radio.

He wrote: "I plan to propose to my girlfriend of a year and half. Her spending habits are outrageous. She justifies (the spending) by saying she works two jobs and bargain shops. She has more than 400 pairs of shoes, some she's not even worn, and clothing falls in the same category. There is almost no room left in her home. I am the frugal one in the relationship and I hope it's beginning to sink in that she can't spend the way she's done in the past."

Finally, Kevin asked: "What can I do to help her curb her spending habits without making her feel bad or as though I am putting her down?"

Kevin, before you pop the engagement question you need your honey to answer some serious questions about how she plans to handle her money in the marriage.

First, realize the two of you are a classic case of money opposites attracting. This isn't unusual. But having different spending styles that aren't worked out can cause serious conflicts in a marriage.

So here's what I think Kevin should do, or for that matter anybody else who might be thinking about asking that life-altering question on Valentine's Day — the day when marriage proposals are as plentiful as overpriced heart-shaped chocolates and teddy bears.

Tell your intended you want to sit down and talk about how you each spend money. You don't want the discussion to be just about her, otherwise she will feel bad and become defensive. Besides, she may have some issues with your frugalness.

The important thing is to exchange your views about money before you exchange wedding vows.

It never ceases to amaze me how couples will spend a year or more planning a wedding, right down to the type of napkins for the reception, and yet spend little if any time discussing how they plan to merge their money-handling styles.

To begin this financial discussion, you each should come to the table with copies of your credit reports and credit scores.

Now when I suggest this, folks often gasp.

Why?

When you get married, you're going to be sharing something much more intimate than a credit report (if you haven't already), so you shouldn't be embarrassed to show your loved one how you've managed your credit, which these days can be key in getting insurance, a loan and even a job.

Get all your credit reports from the three credit bureaus — Equifax, TransUnion and Experian.

To make it easier, you might want to get what's called a three-in-one report, which allows you to see all your credit information side by side from all three bureaus. You need all three reports because each might contain different credit information.

When ordering your credit reports, also get your credit scores (a number used by lenders as an indicator of how likely you are to repay your loans). Each bureau generates a different credit score.

Here's the contact information to order the merged report and credit scores:

• Equifax; www.equifax.com; (800) 685-1111. The three-in-one credit report costs $39.95 and includes just your Equifax credit score.
• Experian; www.experian.com; (888) 397-3742. The tri-bureau report is $34.95 and includes only your Experian credit score.
• TransUnion; www.transunion.com; (800) 888-4213. The three-in-one report is $34.95. For an extra $9.95 you can get all three credit scores. This is the best and most convenient deal. Otherwise, you would have to order separate credit reports and scores.

Kevin, when you sit down to go over the reports, resist any urge to judge if things don't look good. Instead, use the information to figure out what happened and how your girlfriend might improve her credit. You may need to seek professional help from a debt counselor. To find one go to www.debtadvice.org or call (800) 388-2227.

If your girlfriend has some debt issues, keep in mind that once you get married, her credit problems won't just be her concern. You may not be obligated to pay the debts she racked up as a single woman, but her bad credit history or heavy debt load can affect the things you want as a couple, such as a new home.

If her credit is good and it's just a matter of her overspending and not saving enough, work on developing a budget. If your honey's thing is shoes and clothes, then allow some room in the budget for that passion. But point out that something else will have to be cut if the two of you are going to have a balanced household budget.

You might suggest that you each get a certain amount of money each week or month that can be spent the way each of you want.

Kevin, you're right to be concerned. It's vital you address your financial differences before you get married.

After all, love does not conquer all, because it can't pay the bills.