KISSES AND MISSES
Going too far? His wheels are spinning on the road to love
By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer
Millions of people will make resolutions for the new year today. They'll commit to losing weight, say they'll stop smoking, they'll find a better job or lose a bad habit.
A 24-year-old wife and mother misses hanging out with friends and meeting new ones. Should she make a new year's resolution to get out of the house? Weigh in by voting in our online poll.
It's the perfect time to reflect, put things in perspective and set some goals — even those involving matters of the heart.
Stay-at-home glum
Which brings us to a Big Island man we'll call Mr. Living Aloha. He's trying to figure out how much time to devote to budding romance.
He's unsure about what to do but hopeful about the direction he's headed. In other words, he's the perfect candidate for some resolution therapy.
Dear Tanya: I grew up on the North Shore back in the mid-'70s, and was just divorced after a 16-year marriage. I just moved to the Big Island from New Zealand in July and met this great person who also grew up on O'ahu. The problem is we live 34 miles apart. We are so busy we have gone out on only a few dates. With the mad pace of life these days, we mostly e-mail and talk on the phone. To make a long story short, I just need some hints on what to do to be able to see each other more.
— LIVING ALOHA
Thirty-four miles? Sheesh. I'm not sure that even qualifies as a long-distance relationship. It isn't THAT far. So, for starters, stop your whining and consider how lucky you are to live on the same island.
As for what to do, you've probably figured out that packing your bags and moving closer to her (at this point) would be the fastest way for her and her friends to brand you as a stalker, so take things slowly.
That said, don't wait too long between dates. Make plans to get together. Think about compromises you could make that would make it easier to see her. What if you each drove 17 miles and met in the middle? It could be the perfect spot for a picnic. OK, maybe not, but the point is to think creatively about how you could make it work without the drive becoming a burden for either of you.
E-mail and phone calls are good ways to stay connected when you can't be together, but nothing compares to the real thing. The beginning stages of a relationship are when it's most essential to put in some face time and get butterflies in your stomach at the thought of seeing each other again.
If things progress, you might look forward to spending weekends together. But you've got to take baby steps first.
So, your new year's resolution comes down to commitment — not necessarily deciding that she's The One. Just commit to making the drive before deciding whether the relationship can go the distance. The rest will work itself out in time.
Hit the road, Jack.
Tanya Bricking Leach writes about relationships for The Advertiser. Write to Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802, fax 525-8055 or kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.
