Wedding bells to echo the call of duty

By William Cole
Advertiser Military Writer

The Sept. 11 terrorist attacks brought Maile Alau and Michael Bennett closer together.

Now an upcoming deployment to Afghanistan by Bennett, a Blackhawk helicopter crew chief, is giving their relationship another push.

The couple are getting married Jan. 24 on a beach on the North Shore — earlier than they otherwise would have, and with the difficult, year-long assignment in mind.

"He's had very few requirements for the wedding except he wants to get married barefoot, in shorts and aloha shirt, on the beach," said Alau, 32.

Upcoming deployments to Iraq for 4,800 Schofield Barracks soldiers, and Afghan-istan for 3,500 other Hawai'i-based soldiers, have made for a variety of important family decisions — marriage being only one.

Several Hawai'i-based reservists deploying to Iraq also have tied the knot early, as have three soldiers in Capt. Bill Venable's approximately 140-soldier company at Schofield.

"I'm pretty sure all of them got married because of the deployment," Venable said. "They were planning on getting married anyway."

But spouses also have to wrestle with the loneliness that often comes with staying on or near base during a deployment, or the detachment from family support groups and the information pipeline if they move back "home."

One estimate is that 40 percent of Schofield spouses may move back to the Mainland for the 12-month deployments, which begin in about two weeks for Iraq-bound troops.

The state Department of Education's Central O'ahu District surveyed base communities, wanting to know how many students will be gone.

For couples like Alau and Bennett, who planned on getting married anyway, there are practical as well as emotional reasons for saying, "I do."

"The military really doesn't recognize girlfriends. Unless you are married, you don't have a whole lot of rights," said Alau, a Kameha-

meha Schools grad and director of development and major gifts at Chaminade University.

Alau met Bennett, 30, over the Internet. She was in Hawai'i and he was at Fort Campbell, Ky.

Bennett wanted to come to Hawai'i, and their eight-month, long-distance relationship took a leap forward after the Sept. 11 attacks.

"All of a sudden, it became a reality he might be deployed because he was in the 101st (Airborne Division)," Alau said. "So we kinda said, well, if this is really going to happen, we have to be honest with how we feel about each other, and it made us both look at what we really wanted."

He was assigned to the 25th Infantry Division (Light), and they've been seeing each other — in person — ever since. Bennett will be leaving for Afghanistan in late March or early April.

Alau said it's important "to know what's happening, what's going on (with the unit during the deployment), and be the first point of contact. It's a big deal to know I can talk to a group of women who are going through the same thing."

Bennett, a specialist with the 2nd Battalion, 25th Aviation Regiment, said "you kind of have to (make a lot of important family decisions prior to a combat deployment). You have to worry about where your money is going to go if something happens to you, who's going to execute your will."

"That's the reality that you have to face," Bennett said.

He said he made the decision to get married earlier "mostly just in case anything happened, she'll be taken care of. It was an eventuality, but it just sped things up."

A self-proclaimed military brat whose dad was in the Air Force, Alau knows about the separation that deployments bring. A year-long tour is extra worrisome.

"That's a long time for someone to be gone. My father did two tours of Vietnam — but each one was only six months," Alau said. "Military spouses today are having a lot more hardship in terms of how long their spouses have to be gone, and (not knowing) when they are going to be coming back."

Vicki Olson, the wife of 25th Infantry Division (Light) commander Maj. Gen. Eric T. Olson, advised spouses to actively participate in "family readiness" support groups.

In a message to families, she noted that during Operation Desert Storm, many spouses chose to "go home."

"Nearly 90 percent of them chose to return (to base) within a month," Olson said. "They discovered that their family and friends really did not understand their situation. Most of all, they missed the flow of information that they had received from the unit and the true support they found in other spouses."

Alau has her parents and two brothers in Hawai'i to fall back on during the deployment.

"I feel very lucky that I have really good family connections here and lots of friends to support me through this," she said. "But it's not going to be a fun year."

Reach William Cole at wcole@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-5459.