By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

In the grand tradition of "Hawaii Five-0," "Magnum P.I." and ... oh, that other one with what's-her-face in it, Hollywood is trying out an action-adventure television police drama set in the Islands.

This one, a pilot for NBC, was originally going to be called "Hawaiian Blue" but after writer Jeff Eastin visited the Islands, the title was changed to "Pearl City." Eastin was the writer of several other television series, including "Shotgun Love Dolls" and "Shasta McNasty," so in comparison, "Pearl City" sounds pretty good.

In the hope that the pilot will be picked up for a series that keeps the local production community rich and busy for a long time to come, and in the hope that the stories will resemble what goes on here in Hawai'i (please, no exploding volcanoes or voodoo human sacrifices), here are some episode ideas RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES. Actually, these are ripped from the Pearl City Neighborhood Board meeting minutes and from various newsroom wiseacres:

• Fire Department responds to call of illegal rubbish fire in residential area. Fire-starter reports he wasn't burning rubbish, just leaves. Firefighters tell him, "Same thing."
• Residents express concern regarding vehicles parked on the public sidewalk at 'Auhuhu Street, causing a hazard for pedestrians. Police say they have trouble enforcing parking violations on unimproved sidewalks. Improved sidewalks are a different story. Perhaps a two-parter highlighting sidewalk-improvement awareness.
• Police respond to traffic backing up in the left-turn lane into Home Depot. Every day. Especially Saturdays.
• Momilani Elementary School students tour the Pearl City police substation. Then they have lunch.
• Due to a persistent, anonymous caller about cars on display "For Sale" at the corner of Moanalua Road and Ho'omalu Street, citations are issued. Persistent, anonymous caller has to find a new problem to worry about. And does.
• Residents are encouraged to call police to report semi-tractor trucks double-parked on both sides of Kuala Street near Sam's Club.
• Concerns regarding drivers unknowingly making a through movement from the mauka-bound left-turn lane on Waimano Home Road at Kuala Street are noted by police. The city Department of Transportation Services says it will monitor that intersection.
• And, for the feel-good holiday episode, a messy family gets it together and wins the Yard of the Month Award.

OK, sure, Pearl City has its share of troubles, including fatal traffic accidents, drug crimes and one of the highest rates of auto theft on O'ahu. But the daily drama percolating on the Pearl City streets is much too mundane and gentle for a police action series. Thank goodness.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.