Posted on: Monday, January 12, 2004

Psychological strategy can help tame 'toxic' co-workers

By David P. Willis
Asbury Park (N.J.) Press

"Toxic" co-workers. They make every moment at work a miserable experience.

Their nitpicking ways, and their controlling and self-centered behavior can send anyone's anxiety and stress levels soaring.

Neil J. Lavender, a forensic psychologist, knows the type. He would lie in bed, talking with his wife about a former colleague, at 3 a.m. "I would dream about him," said Lavender.

Now Lavender, 54, and psychologist Alan A. Cavaiola, 52, a professor at Monmouth University, hold seminars at companies about how these employees cause problems at work. They have written a book, "Toxic Co-Workers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job."

Employees are more stressed out by troubled colleagues than they are by a heavy workload or salary concerns, Lavender said.

"If you are working with people who are out to get you, a boss who is out to do you in, that is when the stress is greatest," Cavaiola added.

In a survey of about 1,200 people, the two authors found, 87 percent had worked with a toxic co-worker at one time. They came to the conclusion that a good portion of the stress at work is caused by co-workers.

"It's like erosion," Lavender said. "Every day they wear you down a little, wear you down a little."

Lavender and Cavaiola are not talking about people who simply have personality quirks. Their overbearing, detail-oriented behavior might actually be signs of real psychological disorders, they say.

"These people can appear on the surface to be very normal," Lavender said. "When it comes to interpersonal relationships, they are incredibly destructive."

Toxic co-workers come in three types: narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive and schizoid.

The psychologists tell the story of a woman who took time off after suffering a miscarriage. Her narcissistic boss said: " 'How dare you? You knew we had this project coming up,' " Cavaiola said.

"Anyone else would have said, 'Oh my God, take whatever time you need.' "

Obsessive-compulsive workers are sticklers for detail. "They are control freaks. They are workaholics," Lavender said. "They are always correcting little, niggling things."

In the end, they get bogged down with the details and lose sight of the big picture. And they can sometimes leave chaos and stress in their wake. "They are the hidden cancer in the workplace," he said.

People with schizoid personalities don't relate to others and don't understand social situations. "They think people are like office furniture," Cavaiola said.

So, if faced with these types, what should you do?

First, Cavaiola said, understand that you can't change someone, especially a person with a narcissistic personality. "There was no way Bob Cratchit is going to change Scrooge."

Narcissistic types see themselves as special, so praise or compliment them. "It almost seems a bit like brown-nosing, but it's something that works," he said.

If you are dealing with someone who is obsessive-compulsive, give them the information they want. "If you are supervising someone who is obsessive-compulsive, they are probably going to need a lot of detail in order to do the job," Cavaiola said.

But don't let yourself get caught up in the ways of the perfectionist. "They are the wet blanket of the workplace," Lavender said.

Schizoid co-workers are loners, so don't be insulted when they prefer working away from you. They need their space and distance, so don't try to force conversation.

"If you give them enough detail about what they can do, you can pretty much leave them on their own," Cavaiola said.