KISSES AND MISSES
Drama queen is wearing out welcome — and friend's ears

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer

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Or maybe you don't even get any thanks because it's never about you, it's always about your friend.

Your friend, the drama queen.

Sound familiar? It is to the weary ears of this woman:

Dear Tanya: In the last year, my friend has changed boyfriends like socks. That's one issue, but the thing that aggravates me is I must deal with my friend's dramatic productions. She falls for Mr. Dim-witted, Mr. Thick-skinned, or someone like herself, who switches girlfriends like television channels. Her weekends go something like this: Friday, she'll have Tyler take her shopping in Waikiki. Saturday, she'll have James take her to a UH football game, and Sunday brunch is reserved for Cal and his family. She never makes time for friends, except when the boys are busy or her paper heart is ripped. I know she's hungry for attention, but I don't feel like feeding it to her in spoonfuls. Our friendship, although wearing, means more to me than cloth to a costume designer. However, she is the distance of a pinhead from pricking my patience bubble. What should I do? Better yet, what should she do? Growing up, although a possible solution, is not a quick solution.

Well, I've been there myself, the listening ear for someone forever looking for a way out of a self-inflicted crisis.

It's like being addicted to a bad soap opera. You get so attached to the characters involved that you really want to know what happens.

If your friend didn't confide in you, you'd feel left out of her life. Yet hearing about it can be so draining. It makes you wonder if letting her always play the victim is just indulging her melodrama.

Just like a bad soap opera, sometimes you have to change the channel. If you can't take it, cut the conversation short and tell her you'll call her next week to catch up instead of listening to her daily dose of self-pity.

This isn't about what she should do, because you can't make her grow up or change her ways.

This is about what you should do. You could tell her (in a kind way) if you think she's acting childish, choosing the wrong men or bringing on her own troubles.

It wouldn't hurt to ask yourself if you're jealous that she's the center of attention.

The best thing to do might be to keep listening but take a step back. Even if it's a close friend or roommate, and you can't give yourself physical distance from her, at least mentally put it into perspective.

Consider it the finesse of friendship. If she's the kind of loyal friend who is always in your corner and provides an ear when it's your turn, then just letting her vent is part of the give-and-take.

If her friendship is so important, this is how you complement each other's traits. Your ears will be tired sometimes, and it will be worth it because you are getting something out of it. That's the price of being a good friend.

Let's switch topics here, and answer me this: If you're a grandparent raising a grandchild, do you feel resentment, or do you feel responsibility to be parents to your grandchildren? Send your story or your relationship tales, worries and woes to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802, kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com or fax 525-8055. Your letters may be used in upcoming columns. Please include a daytime phone number.