Expert has tips for small-talk impaired

By Francesca Donlan
Gannett News Service

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Socializing tips Here are some socializing do's and don'ts: One trick to remember is your O.A.R. (Observe, Ask, Reveal), so you don't sink socially. Here's how to stay afloat: Observe the venue, food or entertainment and comment on what you see. Ask the host or a guest some questions. Reveal your ideas, thoughts and plans. Instead of hiding or becoming a wallflower, take a bold step and find your inner small-talk self. — Source:"How To Work A Room"

• "I only know one person here."
• "What do I say?"
• "I'm widowed and surrounded by couples."

Everyone can be confident and assured at social or office events, says Susan RoAne, a motivational speaker and author of such best-selling books as "What Do I Say Next" (Warner Books, $14) and "How to Work a Room" (HarperCollins, $14).

The reason her books fly off the shelves is because many people struggle during social or office gatherings, she says.

"Lots of people are shy," RoAne says. "This is daunting. If you find these situations uncomfortable, you are not alone. In fact, you are normal."

There are some immediate ways to make partygoing more comfortable, she says. RoAne suggests bringing some items of interest from the newspaper and arming yourself with questions.

"People like to talk about current events," she says. "There's always some trial or controversy going on."

"The banquet of banter is potluck," RoAne says. "You've got to bring something to the table. It's not just the questions — bring a story from your memory."

She also suggests reaching out to those who look even more miserable than you feel.

"The person standing in the corner not talking to anyone is a wonderful person to talk to because they are probably shy," she says.

That's just the type of person Susan Bennett loves to meet at a gathering.

"You look like a million dollars, and you feel like a million dollars, and you want to make other people feel at ease," she says.

Bennett and her husband, Phil, are social butterflies, fluttering around the see-and-be-seen circuit in Fort Myers, Fla., at least three nights a week.

When her husband is away, she goes to functions alone or with a friend. Her trick to dealing with small talk? Just that.

She begins a conversation with a query.

"It's best to ask questions because most everyone likes to talk," says Susan Bennett, who is president of her own marketing and media firm.

"I've never met a person who does not have their own story to tell."

Bennett avoids political talk and keeps her drink maximum to two cocktails. She always has one hand free to shake hands.

She also makes the point not to talk only with people she knows.

"I like to meet new people and use it as an opportunity to make new friends," she says.

Chad Rogers, 24, is an accomplished small-talker.

He tries to remember people's names and keep up with news and happenings.

When Rogers accompanies a shy friend to a party, he stays with him and introduces him to as many people as he knows.

If he's cornered or the chitchat goes flat, Rogers knows how to move on tactfully. He says he needs a "topper" and heads to the bar.

Reaching out in social situations is the right thing to do, RoAne says.

"It's about grace," RoAne says.

Besides, small talk can make for a good time out.

"If you're listening to people and paying attention to them and come with a smile and a few wonderful stories — that's a night," she says. "You've had a good time."