COMMENTARY
Abandoning family faith leaves teenager at odds

By Susan Lee

My entire family, including distant relatives, are Jehovah's Witnesses, and my beliefs were based on this religion because of my family's commitment to it.

Kids thought I was weird, because I didn't celebrate any type of holiday: not Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas, not even my birthday.

I couldn't do any of the "fun" things other kids were enjoying. I couldn't sing "Happy Birthday" when the cake was brought in, or carol on Christmas Eve.

So here I stand, still lost and confused.

People ask me what I am, and I always return with some elaborate response. "Well, my family's this, but I don't really know. I'm half-and-half. I believe in God, but then I don't."

Some say it can't be half-and-half.

I believe there is a higher being, although I find more logic in science. There are always questions about dinosaurs or Adam and Eve. Questions about what the story really is.

These questions have led me to experience other religions — visiting morning classes with my Mormon friend, joining a youth group, attending Masses with my Catholic friend.

It only leads to more questions.

I used to feel lost that I didn't know what I believed in. I always wondered what the true religion was, because there are countless beliefs in the world.

To not have a belief is not easy. Sometimes, it's not my own choice. My family is pushing me and my friends are pushing me. Friends tell me that they hope I'll find God soon and devote myself to him, but I still remain mystified.

We grow up to be led into a religion we don't understand, because we don't know anything else. Our family is there to guide us and to set the path.

At first, when my belief in being a Jehovah's Witness was faltering, I was shocked at myself. I felt as if I were committing a sin, as if God would punish me, but I began to grow older and to ask questions.

Being a teenager trying to find something to believe in is complicated.

Ultimately, there is no one there to guide us but ourselves. Sometimes we don't want to deal with the intricate subject of religion so we can end up not finding a belief, or we just don't know what to do.

Spirituality and logic do not coincide; therefore we will always be searching.

Susan Lee is a junior at Moanalua High School.

If you're a teen and would like to speak out about issues, trends, pressures and perceptions teens deal with, submit an article or suggest a topic to Island Life deputy editor Dave Dondoneau at ddondoneau@honoluluadvertiser.com.