KISSES AND MISSES
Resources for abused partners

By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer

•	Pictures of ex spell trouble A girlfriend is troubled because her boyfriend of nine months still has pictures of ex-girlfriends in his computer and still talks to one ex. What should his girlfriend do about it? Weigh in by voting in our online poll.

That was enough to clog up my e-mail box. Lots of readers had some other ideas about where to turn before heading to divorce court. Here's a sampling of readers sounding off:

Hi Tanya: In the future, if you give advice to someone who is being abused, you might want to mention some resources they can turn to BEFORE they do anything. (One is the Domestic Abuse Hotline, 841-0822). This way, they can get professional help in leaving what could be a potentially dangerous situation if they tried to leave on their own without following certain procedures first.

Dear Tanya: Thanks for your response to this woman who has been abused for 25 years. Our society seems to think women who are battered verbally should just recite, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." This is completely untrue, especially when you have been subjected to this kind of torment for years. It breaks a person's will and ultimately their spirit. I know, because I came from an abusive relationship where I was abused in several forms for nearly 11 years. The only difference between physical and verbal abuse is that the bruises left behind from verbal abuse are imprinted upon the heart and spirit of the victim. I am a walking testimony that there is hope for victims. There are so many agencies ready to help, such as Parents and Children Together (online at pacthawaii.org), Domestic Violence Clearinghouse and Legal Hotline (531-3771), as well as New Hope Christian Fellowship (www.enewhope.org). I urge all women who are being battered, in any form, to seek help. They need to know they are precious and don't deserve to be hit, called names, ridiculed or isolated.

Tanya: Please forward, if you haven't already, info to the writer about support services for victims. Pu'uhonua (Domestic Violence Drop-In Center) at 585-7944; PACT Family Peace Center (support groups) at 832-0855; Domestic Violence Clearinghouse and Legal Hotline at 531-3771.

Thanks for all of the feedback. Those are great resources for anyone in an abusive relationship.

Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.