Single men, women meet at Presbyterian conference

By Mary Kaye Ritz
Advertiser Religion & Ethics Writer

Leon Williams and Dawn Quiocho had their interest piqued by this line in the brochure for their church's singles conference later this month: "How to look for a mate who will not be a baggage handler."

Don't put your life on hold. Dawn Quiocho has learned not to wait for the phone to ring but to find self-fulfillment. Photo illustration by Eugene Tanner • The Honolulu Advertiser

First Presbyterian put together the conference when its new director of singles and family life ministries, Gary Van Brocklin, came on board around the beginning of the year. He's hoping to bring out not just Presbyterian singles in and outside of the church, but others seeking a community of faith.

Both Van Brocklin and Senior Pastor Dan Chun, who oversaw a similar ministry earlier in his career, say singlehood is a crucial time in many people's spiritual development — and a good time to help people find a spiritual path.

That was true for Quiocho, who, after getting divorced in 1998, underwent a spiritual conversion: "It was like I made every mistake in the book right before my conversion experience," she said. "I was so ready to give my life up to the Lord at that point."

Now, she's studying to become a U.S. Air Force chaplain and looking for self-fulfillment before even considering hooking up again.

"My girlfriends say, we're tired of investing in the wrong options," she said. "I'd just rather be single. ... I feel as if God is really doing something with our generation of women; we don't want to invest in relationships with guys who aren't the one."

Williams, 38, a classical singer, is at a different point in the singles spectrum. He paused when asked if he's ready to look for "the one?"

Don't carry other people's emotional baggage. Leon Williams carries his own, and wants a woman who does, too. Photo illustration by Eugene Tanner • The Honolulu Advertiser

So he's particularly interested in the seminar, "Choosing the Love of Your Life," and delving beyond that which is only skin deep.

"I think the aura and the energy have to be compatible, before anything visual," he said.

Explained Brocklin, who has been married for 24 years: There's something for everyone at the conference — as long as participants understand that this is a faith-based approach.

"We're looking for people who are ready for change in their life," he said. "We are offering an opportunity to connect with a community of singles that is growing in the grace and truth of Jesus Christ. It's open to people willing to consider the Christian message and how it speaks specifically to singles. So even though we're talking about sex, divorce recovery, etc., it's still a faith-based questions and faith-based answers."

The conference's guest speaker will be Paul Sheppard, senior pastor of Abundant Life Christian Fellowship in Menlo Park, Calif., who has conducted singles seminars inside his 3,000-member church. He has been married more than 20 years.

"This will be my first opportunity to do this outside of my church," said Sheppard.

While there will be speakers on hand at the Honolulu conference who are lay people, such as psychologists, Sheppard, too, will be taking a faith-based approach in his talks.

"The thing I often share is that scriptures speak to things on singles minds," he said. "A lot are wondering, has God preselected a mate for me? There are different theories among Christian teachers. Some believe, it's preordained, like finding a matching pair of shoes. Others — and I'm in the second category — say God doesn't play that role. He gives us guidelines in scripture how to establish good relationships, and the Bible says he blesses those marriages that are established of those principles."

Bad news, Bridget Jones: That means not everyone is meant to be married, he said.

"Talk to married friends. They'll assure you, marriage and fulfillment don't necessarily go together," Sheppard said. "It's not a magic wand thing. (Marriage takes) a lot of hard work. We'll talk about how to take advantage of this time for singles."

He will pepper his talks with "a lot of candid sharing": "I like to dispel myths with singles. If you're not really understanding your own life, marriage can exacerbate the problem and make it worse."

Reach Mary Kaye Ritz at 525-8035 or mritz@honoluluadvertiser.com.