Seriously, consider bailing out

By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer

Dear Tanya: OK, here goes. I was wondering what your thoughts are on dating someone who is in prison. Is it worth it to wait for him? Because here is my situation: I have known this guy for five years, and we just started going out. He is a terrific guy I have come to love and admire, but unfortunately he got accused and arrested for something he did not do. It is a case of stolen identity, but unfortunately he does not have enough evidence to prove himself innocent, so he really can't do anything about it. He will be locked up for up to two years, and I don't know whether to stick with him because we just started going out or just hang in there and everything will work out. I desperately need advice.

The first of which may be being gullible enough to believe everything this guy says.

He's innocent. Yeah, right, so is everybody in prison. Or so they say.

Not to sound insensitive, but you could begin a comedy routine by asking people's thoughts on dating someone in prison. Read your opening lines out loud and imagine an audience laughing.

It's not exactly the kind of courtship you'd dream of telling your grandchildren about.

But this is no fairy tale. It's my take on your reality. So, in all seriousness, what do I think about dating someone in prison?

Generally, I'd say it's a really bad idea.

Specifically, it's a bad idea if he's guilty and has been lying to you and everyone else.

Even if he is as innocent as he claims, there's still a huge difference between being supportive and being his girlfriend. You don't owe him a lifelong commitment.

You don't even owe him your unfaltering trust.

You owe more to your own well-being.

It's OK to be skeptical about the chances of your relationship working out.

I'm not sure how exactly you would even go about dating someone behind bars. I mean, you could be pen pals, but you'd definitely be on the losing end of a dissatisfying romance.

There wouldn't be a whole lot (or ANY) dinners by candlelight, walks on the beach, snuggling up, or much that remotely resembles dating.

Another thing to keep in mind: The state of Hawai'i does not allow conjugal visits. It could be a long two years if you stick with him.

Is that the kind of sentence you are willing to live with?

Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.