FAMILY MATTERS
Clothes don't make the man; neither do dorky shades

By Ka'ohua Lucas

My van stalled a couple of weeks ago. Fortunately, I was able to pull over to the curb without any complications.

I punched in my husband's work number on the cellular.

"Help, I need to be rescued," I pleaded. "I'm stranded."

There were perishables in the van. And my youngest needed to be picked up from canoe-paddling practice.

Within the hour, I saw the truck bouncing down the road. Then it began to weave.

My initial thought was my husband had lost control of the pickup. As he approached, I could see both hands in a vise grip on the steering wheel. His torso was pressed up against the controls, and he was hunched over. His eyes appeared glued to a spot just beyond the hood of the truck.

"Dad, Dad!" my eldest shouted and waved.

No response.

The frames of my husband's sunglasses wrapped completely around his head. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought he was visually impaired.

Just as he passed our van, my husband and our 10-year-old burst into laughter and made a U-turn in the middle of the road.

He pulled up behind my van and slid out from the front seat, swaggering over to us.

"Well, Lovey, here I am," he posed arms extended. "Your knight in shining armor at your rescue."

"Dad, you look like such a dork in those glasses," our 14-year-old commented, loading groceries into the back of the truck.

"Thank you, son," my husband said sweetly. "That means so much to me, coming from you."

A few years back, I had asked why he didn't invest in a pair of glasses that darken when exposed to the sun. He claimed he did not want to spend the extra money. Instead he bought a pair of clip-ons that easily flip up and down.

Our daughter called him a dork. But my husband is not one who embarrasses easily.

In fact, he decided that the best eye protection was welding glasses. So he visited his favorite Gaspro and invested in a pair.

"I have to agree with the kids, honey," I said. "Those dark glasses are really pretty silly."

"Look, these wrap-arounds fit over my regular glasses frames, plus they provide uncompromised peripheral vision and protection, and it's scratch resistant," he said earnestly.

"And the best part of all is that these welding safety glasses absorb more than 99.9 percent of harmful UVA and UVB radiation."

"OK I'm convinced," I said, leaning up against the bed of the truck.

In the cab, I looked over at my husband with his new pair of stylish welding glasses.

"You've got to admit," I said. "Those glasses are really, really dorky."

"Frankly, my dear," he said in his best Clark Gable impersonation. "I don't give a ... "

Reach Ka'ohua Lucas at Family Matters, 'Ohana section, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; fax 525-8055; or at ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com.