Posted on: Monday, July 26, 2004
AT WORK
Getting angry on the job can hurt a woman's career
By Anita Bruzzese
Gannett News Service
The woman exploded in anger at work, alternately spewing hateful invectives at a co-worker, then abruptly stopping and breaking into tears. Finally, she ran from the room, leaving stunned colleagues in her wake.
Their reactions ranged from pity for such a "weak" person to subtle amusement that it must be "that time of the month" to outright disrespect for such an emotional display.
Angry women are everywhere, and the workplace is no exception. Women, stressed to their breaking points with personal and professional demands, are battling to contain their hostilities at work. Sometimes it works — and sometimes it doesn't.
Of course, men — just like the fictitious woman portrayed above — lose it, too. But when a man gets angry at work, it's not likely to have such an adverse impact on his career.
"If a woman gets angry at work, she is automatically marked as emotional by both men and women. And if she puts up with something and doesn't get angry, then she's seen as a classic, passive woman," says Lynn McClure, a psychologist and expert in managing anger.
Not the attributes that women want associated with them at work.
McClure says that even the most volatile woman can learn to control her anger, and deal with it in a way that is healthy for her and doesn't have an adverse impact on her reputation at work.
For example, McClure says that anger should be viewed like hunger.
"If you're sitting in a meeting and you are really hungry, you don't get up right then, go fix yourself something to eat, and bring it to the meeting. You acknowledge that you're feeling hungry, but decide that you will deal with it after the meeting, because that's the appropriate thing to do," McClure says. "That's how you should handle your anger. You can't just blow up. You have to determine when you're going to do something about it."
Simply quashing your feelings will not do you any good, professionally or personally, she says.
What that means is that when a woman feels so angry she wants to scream, throw something or cry, then she needs to:
"Say you've gotten really angry. You excuse yourself from the situation as soon as possible, go to a quiet place like your office and then you can throw something or just vent to someone you trust," she says. "Then you take a step back and decide what you can do to make sure what got you so angry doesn't happen again."
That may mean a private meeting with a boss where you outline how someone's behavior or a certain practice interferes with you doing your job properly. "This is what a man would do, or any professional person — it's taking action," McClure says.
But what if you feel that you cannot control those bursts of anger or those crying jags? McClure says that's when a little advance planning can help.
"When you know there's an old problem that keeps coming up again and again, then you spend some time the night before, or on the drive to work, looking back on what is going on. You think about what is likely to come up during the day, and whom you are likely to deal with. You prepare how you will handle it, so that you don't have a temper tantrum right away. Later, you go to the boss to point out what is happening," McClure says.
Finally, McClure says that you should remember that anger can sabotage your career in many ways. "Remember that there are plenty of men and women who have their own agenda, and when you get angry and have an outburst, then you're just giving them ammunition to use against you."
For more information, consider McClure's books, "Angry Women," or "Angry Men," ($14.95, Impact Publications).
Anita Bruzzese is author of "Take This Job and Thrive," (Impact Publications). Write to her c/o: Business Editor, Gannett News Service, 7950 Jones Branch Dr., McLean, Va. 22107. For a reply, include a SASE.
