"It just kind of threw me — I thought that's what kindergarten was all about," said Christi.

Early-childhood experts and educators say the Cerwinskys never should have been told preschool was the only way to prepare Trey for kindergarten. Parents can do the job well, they say.

But they emphasized that parents — regardless of whether they keep their kids at home — need to work harder on academic skills than ever before. Today's kindergarten bears almost no resemblance to what parents remember, and the sooner moms and dads understand what's expected of their children, the better they can prepare them.

"The sand tables, nap time — things like that are no more," said Nicole Osterholm, an assistant principal at Allen Park Elementary School in Fort Myers, Fla. "I hear a lot of parents say, 'What I learned in first grade, my child is learning in kindergarten.' "

Along with ABCs and colors and counting, kindergartners are often expected to master basic academic skills before they reach first grade.

"I think (parents) should be more concerned," said elementary school principal Yvonne Bryan. "They need to do more reading to their children. They need to go to the library. They need to turn the TV off."

Parents who keep their children at home and don't teach them the fundamentals — the alphabet, counting, colors, shapes, etc. — certainly will find their children behind, said kindergarten teacher Mary Lamers. Teachers review such things, but lack the time to focus on them as they used to, she said.

"If (a mother) doesn't do some of these additional things, will children coming from preschool be ahead? Yes," Lamers said.

But the mother of six is quick to add that family is important. "Preschools are awesome, but what (children) gain from being home is just as awesome, if not better," Lamers said.

Children from well-educated, middle- and upper-class homes typically do well going from home to school, as long as they have good social skills, said Larry Tihen, curriculum director for Lee County, Fla., schools. Poor and less-educated families can reap tremendous benefits from sending children to a high-quality daycare or preschool, he said.

"From a literacy-rich environment, you'll have students who have up to 15,000 words in their vocabulary. From a literacy-poor environment, they'll have maybe 5,000 words," Tihen said of incoming kindergartners.

Preschool programs can help narrow that gap, he said. More and more schools group children according to academic needs: Those going to kindergarten with all of the basics would be in a different class than those trying to master basic skills, Tihen said. As children advance, they move into higher groups.

The Cerwinskys learned about that system when they toured public elementary schools, and it scared them. "I didn't want my kid being labeled going into kindergarten," Christi said.

The couple arranged for a private assessment of Trey. He scored above average for his age in all other developmental areas.

Early-childhood experts say they hope teachers aren't pushing students too fast. Like growth spurts and missing teeth, children's intellectual development varies as much as their physical growth, said Barbara Saunders, director of the Lee County (Fla.) Coalition for School Readiness.

She worries that schools are expecting children to arrive at the same academic point at the same time. "What's happening is we are expecting children to do more than they are developmentally ready to do," she said.

Saunders said partnerships between parents and teachers are critical for understanding what children need and are ready to do — when to "take those training wheels off," Saunders said.

"We believe — and certainly everybody should agree — that the parent is the first and most important teacher for their child," she said.

More important than academic preparation is social and emotional readiness, said Donna O'Brien of Parents As Teachers, a St. Louis-based organization that supports parents' roles in their children's upbringing.