KISS AND MISSES
If he's a 'playah,' pack it up

By Tanya Bricking
Advertiser Staff Writer

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Here are some clues that your special someone might be a player (aka "a playah"). If one too many sounds familiar, heed the red flags that you're being played:

• He's good-looking, has a magnetic personality, lots of female friends and is a little self-absorbed, and you sense he has a fear of commitment.
• He stopped seeing someone else to date you (or at least you thought he stopped seeing her).
• He's already married.
• He's what you might call "a bad boy," but you're drawn to him anyway.
• On the first date, he seems to be on some kind of quest to sleep with you.
• He's got a line for everything, but you wonder how many times he's used those lines before.
• He tells you he's in love with you and someone else, and he wishes he had met you first.
• He's hard to reach, doesn't always return your calls and doesn't always call when he says he's going to.
• You've heard he's bragged to his friends about his ability to juggle dates.
• He knows strippers by their first names, and they know his.
• He communicates with you only by e-mail.
• He prefers late-night booty calls over actual dates.
• He's charming, but his charm borders on flirting — with everyone, including your best friend and your sister.
• He flakes out on dates and comes up with mysterious excuses for canceling.
• Sometimes he just doesn't seem interested in getting together, and he has one excuse after another as to why he's too busy or unavailable.
• He's secretive. Even after a few dates, you still haven't seen where he lives, and he's tight-lipped about his past.
• You suspect he has online identities or e-mail addresses that you're not supposed to know about.
• He's a serial online dater.
• Even though you're sleeping together, he doesn't want to be exclusive.
• He wants to take your picture ... naked.
• He's personally offended by this column.

Now, any one of these things might not make someone a player, but don't be too quick to defend the man who's defined by too many of them. That man is definitely a playah.

Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.