FAMILY MATTERS
Life without training wheels true measure of heroism

By Michael C. DeMattos

The lights were dimmed and the surround sound on.

The smell of fresh buttered popcorn wafted through the house.

We were all bundled on the sofa, the wife on one end and I on the other with a clutch of girls between us. About 15 minutes into the movie, one of those girls leaned over and said, "I do not like this part, can you fast-forward?"

Then another little voice sounded, echoing the same sentiments: "This part is really scary, I might get nightmares."

"But girls" I pleaded, "it is not real, it is just a movie. Besides, it is a Disney film, so you know the good guy is always going to win."

"I don't care; the story is good enough without the scary parts," came another little voice.

I looked at each girl huddled under the large blanket, eyes wide open, and hit the fast-forward button.

After the film was over, I gathered the girls and we had a chat about the nature of great stories. Great stories are filled with heroes who face life-testing ordeals. There are monsters and villains, natural disasters and catastrophes, personal risk and potential failure. If successful, the hero returns home rich with new knowledge and maybe even a bit of treasure. We need challenges because we need heroes.

The girls sat there staring at me as if at worst I had lost my mind and, at best, had ruined every animated feature they would ever encounter.

I quickly decided to take a different tack. "Was it easy to learn how to ride a bike?" I asked.

"No, it was really hard," my daughter said.

"What was so hard?" I asked. "It looks pretty easy when I see you pedaling up and down the street."

"That's because she knows how to ride already," another girl added. "But when she was first learning, she fell down all the time."

"But you got back up, didn't you? You were sore and maybe even a bit scared, but you told yourself that you could do it and you did do it. Now that's heroic!" I shouted with fervor.

"Yep," agreed one of the little girls. "I kept trying, and now I know how to ride my bike."

Then after a brief pause, apparently to gather the wisdom of the ages, she added, "But I was not trying to be a hero, I was trying to ride my bike. I didn't need to fall."

And there in lies the secret of true heroism, I thought. The real hero is not trying to be a hero at all, he or she is simply trying to do what is right and true and heroism is the by-product. We live in a society where everyone wants to be a hero and everyone wants the treasure chest that goes with it.

That little girl was no knight in shining armor; she was a shining example of an everyday hero.

The goal is not to seek out dragons for the sake of heroism. The goal is to live life fully and pursue your dreams with passion and vigor.

Along the way, you will find that there are more than enough real-life tests, and maybe that the hero is you.

Family therapist Michael C. DeMattos has a master's degree in social work.