FAMILY MATTERS
Mom may lack tact, but her children follow orders well
By Ka'ohua Lucas
I am probably not the best role model when it comes to parenting. At least, that's what the experts claim.
I have fun teasing my kids.
I scold them when they've done something wrong.
I tell them that sometimes they make me want to "twist their ear."
In fact, when I did a search on the Internet, I learned that my parenting skills are indeed lacking.
"Praise or positively stated suggestions are esteem-building; criticism or sarcasm erodes self-esteem," it states on the Parentingpress.com Web site.
I observed a mother with three young children who impressed me with her esteem-building techniques.
She was at the beach, struggling with sand toys, beach chair and umbrella. She asked the eldest of the three to fetch her slippers, which she had inadvertently left next to a canoe.
Conrad headed off in the direction of the six-man.
"Conrad," she said in a very even tone. "Conrad, I appreciate the fact that you are searching for my sandals, but I left them over there."
She pointed in the opposite direction.
The 6-year-old looked around in a daze.
"Conrad?" she repeated. "You need to focus on what I'm saying."
Then, she did a technique that I've seen done before, commanding her son's attention.
She bent down and directed her gaze at Conrad. Placing the forefinger and middle finger of her right hand together she pointed at her eyes and then at Conrad, repeating the process several times.
"Conrad? Conrad? You need to focus on me," she said authoritatively.
When she had Conrad's attention, she pointed to where her slippers had been left. Conrad's face contorted, and his shoulders slumped.
Like a marionette, his body twisted and convulsed as he made his way toward the slippers.
It was obvious he was unhappy to have to make another crossing over hot sand.
"I really appreciate your help, Conrad," the mother said, as she gathered her belongings.
Conrad lagged behind with a sour look on his face.
My 14-year-old and I observed the scene with great interest.
I was impressed with this young mother's patience. Although Conrad seemed unhappy with the chore of fetching his mother's slippers, he followed through on her request.
After the family left, I asked my son if he thought I would have handled the situation any differently.
"Most definitely," he said amused. "First of all, you would have said, 'What, puhi'u (to break wind audibly)? You know where you going?"
"Then, you would have said, 'What, you get wax in your ear? I said it was over there, not there!'"
"Do I really sound like that?" I asked.
"Yeah, Mom," he said with a laugh. "You kill us with humor."
I guess my technique is somewhat lacking. I'll never earn the "Mommy of the Year" award.
But I'm happy to report that my children are certainly not deficient in self-esteem.
Reach Ka'ohua Lucas at Family Matters, 'Ohana section, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; fax 525-8055; or at ohana@honoluluadvertiser.com.
