ABOUT WOMEN
Love, not race, wins out in end

By Kelly Yamanouchi
Advertiser Staff Writer

People insisted there was a large Asian population at the Mainland college I attended, but it turned out to be about 20 percent. That took some adjusting after growing up around a much greater share of Asians.

I've learned that in business or in pleasure, the larger the pool you're fishing in, the better your chance of finding a keeper, so I was an equal-opportunity dater. But the challenge is avoiding becoming the "flavor of the month" for men who want to try out dating an Asian woman.

I expressed my anguish about this plight, as it were, of Asian women, with a Caucasian guy I was involved with.

I told him that to my disappointment, I found that while some white men want to date Asian women, they had no plans to ever marry one.

"Sure, that's true," he said.

To my astonishment, he continued: "What's wrong with that?"

Because some men treat it like an extended bachelor's party, but instead of nameless strippers in cheap lingerie, they have Asian women.

Because I resent being the appetizer before the main course. The preview before the feature film you really came to see.

Later, a guy I dated was obsessed with Liz Phair. "Oh, it's nothing. She's just skinny and blonde," he told me.

I've rarely felt uglier than during the heart-sinking moments of silence after he said that. If there was anything I wasn't, it was blonde. I probably wasn't skinny by any standard definition, either.

I struggle with singing and the guitar, too, but that's another story.

The point is: I was far from his fantasy.

Shortly afterward, I recounted the trauma with a gay Asian friend.

" 'Just skinny and blonde'!" he exclaimed. "That's exactly the point!"

"I know!" I moaned.

The problem is that we could never really be skinny and blonde.

No matter how loving or admirable I could become, I will never be anything close to what sets his heart beating over Liz Phair.

Oddly, when I got older, the tables turned, and the last thing I wanted to be was the girl that guys wanted to marry. When they caught that in their sights, they were in for the kill. And in most cases, I was far from willing to be their prey.

In exasperation, all I wanted was someone to savor every moment of life with.

And I guess that's why my squeeze today has been around for so long — he achieved the perfect balance.

Oh yeah, he's white, too.

At first, the last thing he wanted to admit was that I was his girlfriend. But that just had me eagerly anticipating the day he would declare me his "one true love."

It happened, eventually.

So in a good way, our first few dates were the preview to the feature film I came to see. And I think the best part for us hasn't even started yet.

Reach Kelly Yamanouchi at kyamanouchi@honoluluadvertiser.com or 535-2470.