KISSES AND MISSES
Flaky guy slow to show interest; another man moves too fast

By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer

•	Double trouble Life gets complicated when a girlfriend starts to fall for her boyfriend's friend. Should she risk losing them both or go on not knowing what she might have missed? Cast your vote online.

But years of playing confidant to their clients' confessions haven't made it any easier for two local stylists to figure out their own relationships issues. Today, we tackle two questions straight from the mouths of Honolulu hairstylists who would rather curl up and dye than reveal their identities.

From Stylist No. 1: I've been casually seeing a man I like, but I'm not sure where it's going, because he hasn't shown any physical affection. He asked me to get together one day when I had to work. I agreed to see him. When my shift was over, I called him and he said he was having dinner with another woman but could see me later that night. I told him no, thanks. I didn't want to be second fiddle, and I wasn't happy that he switched plans when he had made plans with me first. He said he'd call me back, but it's been a week, and no call. Should I call him?

No. I'm not big on calling people who don't follow through on things they say they're going to do.

Even if you are sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring, don't pick it up to dial his number.

At least give it another week. Then you can break down and call. Because women are always breaking down and calling. At that point, at least it doesn't appear desperate. You can tell him you don't want to lose his friendship, and go from there.

But don't apologize, because you didn't do anything wrong. Tell him you expect him to stick to his plans if he asks you out and to call when he says he's going to call.

If he's a good friend, he'll understand. Maybe he'll even fill you in on what's going on with the Fiddle No. 1.

From Stylist No. 2: How should I tell a guy that I want to take things slowly in our relationship? Things are moving too fast for me to be sure I even want to keep seeing him. But I don't want to hurt his feelings, because I might change my mind.

Why can't you just say you want to take things a little more slowly in your relationship? You don't have to agree to see him or talk to him every day. You can tell him right now you are not ready to date one person exclusively.

If you change your mind and want to get more serious with him, tell him you changed your mind. Guys are used to women changing their minds, right? Just don't make it seem as if you're playing games. Be honest with him.

Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com; or fax 525-8055. Letters may be used in columns. Please include your neighborhood and daytime phone number.