By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Columnist

Find yourself increasingly parked in front of the television set? Having trouble focusing on regular tasks at hand? Are family members constantly asking if you feel OK?

It might not be the flu. It could just be the month.

For March Madness is officially upon us.

As a public service, we offer a checklist of symptoms to be on the lookout for. You know you've caught March Madness if you:

• Have suddenly developed an intense rooting interest in Saint Joseph's University but have never been to Philadelphia or know anybody who has attended the school.
• Can't wait until Jim Harrick Jr. offers his "Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball" course online.
• Can recite your favorite team's "quality" wins but can't seem to remember your wedding anniversary.
• Look for the Bob Knight sweater line at Macy's.
• Threaten your kids with "bubble" status if they don't take out the trash.
• Wonder if Hawai'i Pacific University will offer a degree in bracketology next fall.
• Can name the Fresno State players who weren't suspended this year.
• Know the Ratings Percentage Index (RPI) of several teams but can't remember what the price of gas is.
• Are surprised that "Selection Sunday" isn't a federal holiday.
• Keep looking but can't find "The Road to the Final Four" on any AAA map.
• Think Dick Vitale should be somebody's vice presidential candidate.
• Asked the tattoo guy on Hotel Street for the Jason Carter design.
• Believe there is a basketball saint named Joe.
• Have the Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference tournament bracket on your desk at work.
• Know what IUPUI stands for and can name its starting lineup.
• Hum the ESPN theme song in the shower.
• Start conversations with, "but Andy Katz says..."
• Wonder how Vince Goo could possibly give up trips to Tulsa, Okla., and Ruston, La., to retire and play golf.
• Refer to your boss as a "low-major."
• Know that the U.N. is in New York but aren't sure if it is a Division II or III school.
• Suspect your spouse is developing a thing for Digger Phelps.
• Are thinking of camping out to be first in line if National Invitation Tournament tickets go on sale at the Stan Sheriff Center.
• Keep checking eBay for the X-rays of Emeka Okafor's back.
• Think a trip to Fresno, Calif., for the Western Athletic Conference Tournament would make an awesome honeymoon.
• Try to persuade your spouse to name your first born "Zag" in honor of the Gonzaga team.

Reach Ferd Lewis at flewis@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8044.