ABOUT WOMEN
If you're irked by the chronically tardy, it's time to let go

By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer

Two women I know are on the verge of losing a friendship over chronic lateness.

One of them is always on time. The other usually is about 20 minutes late.

When we were neighbors and used to make plans regularly, I'd expect this and split the difference.

But the punctual one has had enough of the tardy one's timing.

She called me a few weeks ago, fuming about how they were supposed to meet for drinks. The late one was already late when she rang the waiting one's cell with an excuse about why she was even more behind schedule. Miss Punctuality stormed home instead of sitting by herself at the bar and has barely spoken to our terminally tardy friend since.

She asked if I thought she overreacted.

I wondered more about how they might work it out. I'd seen them go to greater lengths to keep in touch with bad blind dates than they had about curing the silent treatment they were giving each other.

There is a better way than taking a friend's tardiness so personally, said Diana DeLonzor, head researcher in a San Francisco State University study on punctuality.

"I don't think it's worth losing a friendship over," said DeLonzor, author of "Never Be Late Again: 7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged" (Post Madison Publishing, $13.95). The reformed "latenik" says it helps to keep a person's good qualities in mind.

Her way to get results? "Official Lateness Citations." If you go to her Web site (www.neverbelateagain.com) and click on the link for lateness citations, she will e-mail a reprimand (you can choose a harsh or kind version) to the offender within two business days, free of charge.

DeLonzor, who estimates 20 percent of people are punctuality challenged, said women, particularly, feel guilty about being late. She likens the way men and women feel about being late to how they feel about imperfections with their bodies. When people point out flaws, it concerns women more.

"Typically, it's not a purposeful act," she said. "It's not done out of inconsideration."

Most offenders simply have a problem with time management, she said. Women tend to be late out of anxiety, such as a need to change their clothes five times before they leave the house, she said, while men often let the minutes tick by in a thrill-seeking rush against the clock.

She can't promise that her lateness citations will curb any bad habits, but frustrated friends seem to feel a little better after anonymously lashing out.

Perhaps my punctual friend will use it as an outlet to vent about people who are perpetually on Island Time. If all else fails, I'll encourage her to increase that fib about the real appointed time and give the late one an extra half hour.

Or just know she'll be late and try to think nice thoughts about her.

I'm just not sure time will heal all wounds.

Tanya Bricking Leach writes about relationships for The Advertiser. Reach her at tbricking@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.