Mom's struggle wows judges
By Beverly Creamer
Advertiser Education Writer
Marcia Donovan-Demers stood outside her stepson Joshua's classroom not long ago and felt tears welling up in her eyes.
Eugene Tanner • The Honolulu Advertiser
Not out of sadness, but because the 13-year-old child she had embraced as one of her own had paid her the ultimate compliment.
Marcia Donovan-Demers has won a prestigious national scholarship. With her, from left, are her son, Brad Donovan, 7; stepson Kris Demers, 15; husband David Demers; and stepson Joshua Demers, 13.
"They were supposed to write about the one you admire the most," she said. "And he had written about me. ... I stood outside the classroom and cried."
On this Mother's Day morning, Donovan-Demers hasn't fully comprehended yet that as a 47-year-old mother of four in a blended family of his and her kids ranging in age from 7 to 15, she's also one of the most celebrated college students in America.
The woman who talks about the "balancing act" of motherhood as one of the most important challenges in life has just won the best scholarship in the country — a $60,000, two-year, Jack Kent Cooke award to finish her undergraduate degree at the college of her choice.
"Our experts saw in Marcia that she had this collection of attributes — that will to succeed and that sense of service to others and interest in the arts — and she stood out from the massive number of applicants," said foundation spokesman Pete Mackey from Virginia.
Donovan-Demers is one of 27 community college students nationwide to win the prestigious scholarship, out of a field of 863 nominated by their colleges. She admits to startling the woman who notified her.
"I started screaming," she said. "I think she went deaf on the other end of the phone."
The scholarship, paid through the $550 million estate of the late Washington Redskins owner, means more than continuing on for a pharmacy degree after graduating from Honolulu Community College this month. It means Donovan-Demers is setting an example for her children about how to endure when times are tough, how to discipline oneself and how to push toward your dreams.
It also speaks of the courage to step into situations where you may not be sure of yourself.
"I met my husband in January of 1998 through a mutual friend, Sally," Donovan-Demers wrote in her long application for the scholarship. "When Sally first told me that she wanted me to meet a man who has full custody of three children, I thought she had lost her mind."
At the time, Donovan-Demers was a single mother raising her own young son, Bradley, and the last thing she needed was something to complicate her life. But complicate it she did. Two years later, she and David Demers joined their lives and their families, and shortly afterward Demers was transferred from his Coast Guard duties on the East Coast to Hawai'i.
The challenge of raising four young boys through Coast Guard deployments every three months and daily classes at Honolulu Community College were only part of what the family faced before and after 11-year-old Nicholas was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
"There were times I was literally studying in the emergency room," Donovan-Demers said. "Nicholas had oppositional behavior. Whatever you'd tell him to do, he'd say, 'I'm not doing it.'"
The family struggled through his stays in the Kahi Mohala Behavioral Healthcare center, bouts of depression, screaming tantrums and attacks on his siblings. Often, his school would call her while she was in class to come and pick him up because he was screaming.
"The first time, he was admitted to Kahi because he said he had considered killing himself, and he was only 8," she said.
Once he was diagnosed and receiving therapy, the family was trained in how to deal with his outbursts, and received help from a 24-hour on-call specialist.
In November, Nicholas went to the Mainland to live with his birth mother, but his Hawai'i family called Friday on his 11th birthday to tell him they love him.
Through the challenges, Donovan-Demers has managed to hold on to a 3.9 grade-point average and to volunteer at school and in the community. At Easter, she and two of her sons were part of a contingent of students from HCC and Chaminade University of Honolulu to spend Saturday morning at the Institute for Human Services homeless shelter, coloring eggs with the children at the shelter.
"We had games for the kids, a basketball toss and egg races and the kids did a 3-yard dash," said Lena Low, HCC associate professor of economics and adviser to the HCC Phi Theta Kappa honors society, in which Donovan-Demers has a guiding hand as one of the officers.
"She's there pitching in, giving of her time," Low said. "And during Make-A-Difference Day, she help-
ed paint two cottages at the Korean Care Home in Kalihi. She's a very giving person. But one of her biggest contributions has been the health survey the honor society did this past year."
It was Donovan-Demers who did much of the work designing questions for a comprehensive health survey of risky behavior and health habits distributed to more than 400 students to assess health needs as part of the work of sociology professor David Cleveland.
"She took the lead on it," Low said. "She picked the questions and worked with Cleveland putting it together."
So on this Mother's Day morning, as mothers across Hawai'i unwrap lovingly handmade gifts, sit down to breakfasts made by their children and get sloppy kisses from their toddlers, Kris and Brad and Josh will give their mom their own homemade gifts.
And their mom will still be remembering the day Josh asked her if he could call her Mom, and the day Kris told her she was one of his heroes.
"He said it's because of my will and determination to succeed and how hard I work at it," she said. "He said it makes him realize that if you come across hurdles, you don't have to give up."
Reach Beverly Creamer at bcreamer@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8013.
