Making a case for 'Mommy time'

By Suzanne Perez Tobias
Knight Ridder News Service

We may love our husbands and adore our children. We may embrace our roles as teacher, maid, accountant, paramedic, hairdresser, taxi driver, housecleaner, child psychologist and short-order cook. We may not even want to be whisked away for a week in the Caribbean (although that doesn't sound half bad).

All moms really want, every so often, is a little alone time. Is that so much to ask?

Tracy Lyn Moland — author of "Mom Management: Managing Mom Before Everybody Else" (The Gift of Time, $14.99) and a Canadian mother of two — is a me-time evangelist. When her children were 2 and 4, she says, she cried every day and couldn't figure out why.

"I loved my life. I loved my kids. I loved being with them. But I had this overwhelming sense that something was missing," she said.

"At some point, I realized that I had let being a mom become my entire identity. ... I realized I had lost my sense of self."

Moland's personal journey to reclaim herself — which included training for and completing a triathlon and spending a week with her brother in Bermuda — led her to write a book devoted to the importance of "Mommy time."

Now, when she speaks to groups of moms, she tells them it's not only OK, but necessary, for them to take care of themselves.

"When you're on a plane, they tell you that in the event of an emergency you need to secure your own oxygen mask first and then help your children secure theirs," she said.

"I think that's a great way of looking at our lives. Taking care of yourself first isn't about being selfish, but being the best mom you can be."

Moms find me-time in a variety of ways, she said. New moms learn to make the most of nap time. Some moms get part-time jobs to supplement the family income, but end up appreciating the adult company even more. Others schedule annual trips away from home —sometimes just renting a hotel room in town — to recharge and refresh.

"In our society right now, it's almost like the busier you are, the better mom you are," Moland said. "There's guilt involved in taking time for yourself.

"I think a lot of moms unfortunately learn the hard way, like I did, that you need a break, and you need to be able to pursue some dreams of your own. After a while, the whole family sees the benefit."

Moland jokes that she "wrote a book for an audience that has no time to read it."

But she hopes at least some busy moms will hear her message and pledge to make more time for themselves.

"Moms look at this idea and say, 'That would be nice,' or 'I'd like to do that, but... ,' " she said.

"I'm trying to get out there that it's not a want, it's a need."