KISSES AND MISSES
Lose the cheat, stop his stomping on your forgiving heart

By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer

•	Dating advice, please A woman who has been separated from her husband for four years wants advice on how to get back into the dating scene. What should she do? Have your say in our online poll

Are you really going to take my advice? Because it really doesn't seem like you're taking anyone else's.

The thing is, you're not going to like it.

Honey, you are forgiving to a fault. And if you don't lose this guy, he will keep creeping back into your life and destroy any chance that you will be able to get over him and build something better with someone else.

Do you want to spend your life anticipating that your boyfriend is going to leave you once a year but come back? Or that he'll cheat, but you'll forgive him?

Your friends are right. You deserve better than that.

No matter how charming he is or how much you love him, that doesn't make up for the hurt he's causing. Or, if you don't want to put all the blame on him, it doesn't make up for the pain you're allowing in your life.

You have to make a clean break. Get all evidence of him out of your house. Let him pay his own bills. Don't accept his phone calls. Don't respond to his messages. Don't get sucked back in.

With the money you'd be saving, you could invest in your future, splurge on yourself with a little shopping therapy or even join an Internet dating service to widen your dating circle.

It is hard advice to take. But it's like any addiction. You'd be better off without him.

Yes, you should move on. No, I don't think he'll change.

Is there something about seeing it in print that will make it sink in? I hope so.

Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com; or fax 525-8055.