To put it simply, the big shots in L.A. are getting a bit nervous. That's why they've retained me to poke a little sense into your under-inflated head.

Now before you open your mouth and get yourself into more trouble, I should tell you that we know all about that little food distribution dealio you've been involved with on the North Shore. Serving hot meals to the homeless, that sound familiar? Passing out backpacks full of school supplies to needy kids? Are those bells I hear ringing?

"Hawai'i has a real nice sense of what's really important," said Kristoffer Polaha, an actor in "North Shore." "People are very real. When I tell people I'm an actor ... they understand that that's my job. They don't make more out of it than it deserves." Fox photo

Despite the fame that comes with being an actor, Kristoffer Polaha finds time to help feed the homeless in Hale'iwa. Trish Coder

Kristoffer Polaha says his wife, Julianne, and son Kristoffer Caleb Polaha have made him feel his life is blessed. Polaha family photo

Listen, you're Kristoffer freaking Polaha! You're the lead guy on "North Shore," a network prime-time series SET IN HAWAI'I.

You go to work every day with Brooke Burns, Shannen Doherty, Amanda Righetti, and Nikki DeLoach, and go home every night to your wife, the former Julianne Morris. Julianne "Days of Our Lives" Morris! If that isn't enough to make you strut like a peacock in Colin Farrell's shoes, well I just don't know.

Sure "North Shore" has taken a few knocks from the critics, but Fox saw enough there to pick up the show for the rest of the season. That's nine more episodes to make good on all those comparisons to "The O.C."

Heck, even if that month-long hiatus costs "North Shore" a few viewers, Fox is showing a lot of faith in the show by moving it over to Thursdays just in time for the season debut of "The O.C." tonight. How's that for aiming at a target audience?

You're living a large, large life my friend, and all you can say is, "I'm very humbled?" That's so first-person. Dude, it's time Kristoffer Polaha stops selling Kristoffer Polaha short and starts looking out for Kristoffer Polaha.

And don't try to push it off on living in Hawai'i either. What was that you said during our interview last month?

"In L.A., there is so much hype you can get swept up in it and get lost. Here, it's harder to do. Hawai'i has a real nice sense of what's really important. People are very real. When I tell people I'm an actor, they just say 'Oh, that's cool,' because they understand that that's my job. They don't make more out of it than it deserves."

You just don't get it, do you?

You and Burns are front and center on a show about young, sexy people being, well, young and sexy. You're supposed to party like it's 90210, but every Sunday morning, when you should be nursing a hangover the size of Jason Momoa's pecs, you're with your wife at church.

Now is that any sort of example to set for a cast that's already getting an unseemly reputation for being — shhhh — really nice?

Speaking of Sundays, we talked to a certain Pastor Ron Valenciana — you know, the guy who holds those nondenominational services for guests over at Turtle Bay Resort?

You met him back in March while shooting that "North Shore" pilot, and he told you about his "Once A Month Church" over at Hale'iwa Beach Park. That's the one where Valenciana and a bunch of community-minded volunteers hold a little service for the homeless out in the park.

Helping where needed

We hear a lot of needy folks show up for the giveaways: blessing bags full of personal hygiene products, $2 bills for the first hundred or so people to show up (how's that for a donation bowl?), a shopping cart packed full of groceries for one lucky unfortunate. Sometimes they give away bicycles or school supplies for the kids. Afterward, everybody gets fed a big, balanced meal.

Yeah, now you remember.

Well, the way Pastor Ron tells it, a certain Kennedy-esque young man — hey, didn't you play JFK Jr. in that TV movie, "American Prince"? — suddenly started showing up with his knockout wife and his in-laws to help serve food to all those homeless people. He might have mentioned he was an actor or something, but that meant diddly to Valenciana and his congregation, who don't get to watch a lot of TV.

Anyway, this Good Samaritan didn't say much else about himself. He just kept ladling out the food, kept talking to those folks who live under tarps and in rickety shanties right off the highway like they were his next door neighbors in Diamond Head.

Oh yeah, this guy — he had a bad habit of leaving checks behind with your signature on them.

Polaha, babe, you're killing us.

Look, we know you're a Christian and that you see service to the less fortunate as part of a higher calling. Good for you. But cut us a break here. If you're going to hang with the raff, you've got to at least make sure the network publicity guys know first. You just can't do this sort of thing without shooting a press release to "ET" and "Extra" and "Entertainment Weekly." And where the heck was your make-up person? What if one of those homeless guys had a point-and-shoot?

We thought you had come to your senses when you stopped showing up a couple of months ago. But it turns out you had another hungry mouth to feed.

By the way, congratulations on Kristoffer Caleb Polaha, born July 28 at 6 pounds, 13 ounces and 20 inches.

I suppose it was a good thing Julianne didn't give birth right there in Hale'iwa when you guys showed up for your last "Once A Month Church," just days before she was due.

"She was so hapai," Valenciana said of your wife. "I didn't know how they were going to roll her back into the car."

Of course, you had to go and assure Pastor Ron that you'd be back to help as soon things settled down at home.

And you really expect him to believe you have your own TV show? Just listen to him:

"He's just a humble, ordinary guy," Valenciana said. "He hasn't let success infiltrate his life and his character. Kris and his wife want to help, and they're very sincere and dedicated about it."

He doesn't know the half of it, does he, Polaha?

Recognizing homeless

I bet you never told him about how you and Julianne used to volunteer at the Los Angeles Mission in South Central? How you used to spend Easters washing the feet of the homeless — scrubbing off the layers of dead skin and grime, and cleaning out those nasty infections — because that's what Jesus did for his disciples? Because that was one way of showing these societal castaways that you recognized their humanity, and that you care about them no matter what their circumstances?

Well if you didn't tell Valenciana that, you sure as heck didn't tell him about the time you traveled to that tiny village in Belize (Kris, bubby, you don't make the A-list by chilling in Belize) to build a big, sturdy church so that 400 people wouldn't be left out in the cold every time a tropical storm blew their village away.

Think, Polaha, think.

You left your hometown of Reno, Nev., to attend New York University's Tisch School of the Arts so you could be an actor, not so you could try out for "Survivor: Central America."

At least when you were in New York playing the lead in "Uncle Vanya" and working as a substitute teacher, you kept your philanthropy to the arts, helping third-graders stage their own productions.

But, Kris, that was starving-artist stuff. You're a big shot now. Why, for heaven's sake, are you still trying to find a rural middle or high school class that needs help writing or producing a play? Why keep offering up yourself to every worthy cause, when you should be trying to crack a few 50 Most Beautiful lists?

Lemme guess, more of that exercise of faith stuff, right?

You're going to tell me again how your life is "really blessed" because you have "a glamorous job" and you "get paid pretty well" and you're "pretty healthy." You're going to say again how looking around at people who are less fortunate weighs heavy on your heart.

And what was that last thing you said before you got off the phone?

"We're all the same, and we all have to share this life together."

You're hopeless.