Posted on: Friday, November 5, 2004
KISSES AND MISSES
He's in third gear, she's in neutral
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By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer
Dear Tanya: I'm a mature 46-year-old professional guy dating a great 36-year-old lady who is a talented professional in her own field. I liked her from the moment we met and have been growing more emotionally attached over the past five months. We hang out together, enjoy each other's company, and the bedroom life is great. The initial problem for us was I was still involved in a nine-year relationship that was the opposite of everything I just described. I had let it keep going because the woman involved had gone through breast cancer surgery (it changed her), and I kept hoping she would get over it and revert back to her former self, given time and support. It didn't work.
A boyfriend who cheated on two women comes clean about something that happened a year ago. Should his girlfriend stand by her man? You decide by casting your vote. I recently came back from a couple of weeks on the Mainland, and I knew my girlfriend's sister and kids were going to be in town. No problem. I knew she would be busy showing them around and working, but I expected to at least get invited to meet them. But my girlfriend has not introduced me to them. Other than a daily phone call, that's all the contact I have had with her since my return. I'm feeling very left out. Had the situation been reversed, I would have included her in everything, or at least as much as she wanted to be involved.
Do you think this indicates she doesn't consider me as a long-term partner? She has talked about marriage, and I am totally into this woman and would love nothing more than to share the rest of my life with her. I'm at a loss to understand her behavior and don't want to head down a one-way street with regard to my feelings for this woman.
— Feeling Left Out
At least you've noticed the red flags going on in your relationship. A little more honesty could go a long way. Instead of guessing about your girlfriend's feelings, why not just ask her?
Tell her you felt left out and how strong your feelings are for her. Her reaction should tell you whether this relationship is going anywhere.
Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.
I was motivated by this new relationship to face reality and end the old situation. I also quit my job that was going to transfer me to the Mainland. I couldn't stand the thought of being away from the woman in my life, and I didn't feel it was fair to expect her to move for me.
Keep a cheater?
Who can blame your girlfriend for being cautious when you got involved with her at a time when things weren't completely over with your previous flame, the cancer survivor?
