KISSES & MISSES
Suspicion torments her heart

By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer

He's an honest person, but I often get the feeling he's fooling around with one of his friends. I worry about sexually transmitted diseases, and my jealousy is tearing me apart.

We're very close, and he demands that I tell him all of my secrets. Would it be too intruding of me to ask if he's sexual with her?

Is it too much of me to expect him to not do things with other women while we plan to be together? I've hinted quite a few times that I'd be very unhappy if he were doing something with someone else, but he didn't respond much.

I'm terribly distressed over what to do, and my suspicions are hurting my relationship with him. Please help.

You plan to be intimate with him, yet you're not sure whether he's sleeping around?

This is not the time to play coy.

You don't trust him, perhaps for good reason. And that's reason enough to put off jumping in bed with him, at least until you find out whether your suspicions are groundless.

And even then, I'd say, proceed with caution.

The way I see it, you have no choice but to do the thing he might dread: You have to have "The Talk."

In this case, The Talk should establish whether you are exclusive and what expectations you each have of the relationship.

If you are not exclusive, that means you can't expect him to save himself only for you.

If you decide you are exclusive, even then you should wonder how much you trust him.

The fact that you already don't trust him, well, I'm seeing red flags from here.

I have a feeling you're going to sleep with him anyway. You like him. You want to win him over. You want him to like you more than his "friend."

So the best advice I can give is this: Use protection, and be cautious of those little red flags.

Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.