Saying 'no' helps you set priorities, author contends
By Susan Felt
Arizona Republic
Cristette Cadriel can't say "no," but she's learning.
Three boys, ages 12, 9 and 4; a direct-sales scrapbooking business, which she runs from her home; marriage; and a strong commitment to her church give her loads of opportunities to say "yes," and she often does.
"I'm a very passionate person about certain things, and that's when it's hard to say 'no,' " Cadriel says.
Saying "yes" when your heart is screaming "no" is a predicament people too frequently find themselves in, says Jana Kemp, author of "No! How One Simple Word Can Transform Your Life" (American Management Association, $12.95, paperback), which will be released in January.
People frequently find themselves saying "yes" at work and in their personal lives because they want to be seen as team players or they don't want to let people down, Kemp says. But learning to say "no" firmly, politely and unequivocally allows people to use their time for what they really want to do.
For Cadriel, passion and priorities sometimes collide. "I love doing things for women," Cadriel says, whether in Bible study classes or teaching them to make cards or scrapbooks.
But saying "yes" too many times can rob time, attention and energy from her family. Cadriel's learning to say, "No, that's not in the best interest of my family right now."
Here are Kemp's five tips for saying "no":
- "No" is a complete sentence. You don't have to explain, justify or apologize.
- Be polite, clear and brief. Lengthy explanations often only provide arguments someone can use to squeeze a "yes" from you.
- Use the word "no." Its meaning is clear. Don't use sarcasm or humor when politely declining a request. It can create confusion.
- Determine if there's room for negotiation. For instance, will there be resources and people provided to help you accomplish the task, or will you be the only person heading the fund-raising committee? Is the deadline today, or can your schedule be accommodated?
- Watch your body language. Don't say "no" with your mouth and "yes" with your posture. Sit or stand firmly and confidently, even if you're on the phone when you deliver your decision.
