ABOUT WOMEN
Two little words, big results

By Lynda Arakawa
Advertiser Staff Writer

Not long ago, Citigroup ran a TV commercial featuring two women chatting in a grocery store.

The first lady asks the other about her pregnancy, but the second woman's not pregnant, just overweight.

There's an awkward silence until, out of nowhere, the first woman blurts, "Thank you."

Poof! The insult is immediately forgotten. The voice-over says, "It's amazing what a simple 'thank you' can do."

"That's so true, yeah?" my significant other said when we saw the commercial. I agreed.

Yes, it's an obviously lame exaggeration that a simple "thank you" will rescue you from an uncomfortable situation or make someone you've just insulted feel great. Heck, it's just a commercial. (And, by the way, not a very good one, because I still don't plan on signing up for a Citi credit card.)

But those two little words have become more important in my relationship with my significant other than I thought.

Don't get me wrong. I've been brought up to say "please" and "thank you" and do the things that polite people do. My family taught me all about being grateful and showing my appreciation. And I always make sure to wave a "thank you" to accommodating drivers because I know how irritating ungrateful motorists can be.

But after years of being in a relationship with the same person, it becomes easy to bypass the pleasantries and assume your partner can read your mind.

We always thanked each other for gifts, special dinners and other things that took some extra effort. But those two little words never quite made it into our regular routine.

Until recently.

I don't know what prompted it or who started it first. We just — without any official pact or ceremony — began to thank each other more often, for big and little things. Even, sometimes, for tasks we really secretly think the other is supposed to do in the first place.

I thank him for washing the dishes. (Even though he would get in trouble if he didn't.) He thanks me for driving us home. (Even if we both know it's his turn to have a few beers that night.)

It's not a big gesture. It's not even mushy. But we both noticed — in a kind of "Well, DUH" revelation — that since we started this new thanking thing, we've been more understanding and nicer to each other. Saying those two words makes us appreciate the little things more, and hearing them makes us feel a little more appreciated. Besides, it doesn't cost anything to express a little gratitude, so why not just do it?

I don't mean to be preachy. I know what a drag it is to be lectured about boring things like manners.

So for those of you who have actually read this all the way through, I just have one more thing to say:

Thank you.

Reach Lynda Arakawa at larakawa@honoluluadvertiser.com or 535-2470.