Posted on: Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Family first, career second

By Steven Church
Wilmington (Del.) News Journal

Three years ago, Lee Mikles had everything a thirtysomething businessman could want: an expanding Internet advertising firm, good partners and a steady profit margin. What Mikles didn't have was time to help with homework, time to attend soccer games or time for school concerts.

So in 2002, he rearranged his life.

Mikles sold out to his partners to start a much smaller company he could run out of a modest office near home. He began putting more energy into his family.

Workplace experts say Mikles is among a growing number of Generation-X men who have intentionally slowed down their careers to be better fathers, following examples set more than a decade ago by an earlier generation of women.

"All of the sudden, Gen-X dads are saying, 'Look at what we missed out on in our years growing up,' " said employment researcher Carolyn Martin, who studies the work habits of Americans in their 20s and 30s. "From a woman's point of view, it's a pretty healthy counterbalance."

Mikles, 36, said he felt the same conflict between job and home that many women experienced when they started entering the work force in large numbers.

"There is a different model for dads today," said Mikles.

Workplace statistics don't show exactly how many dads have given up a promotion or taken a job for less pay to spend more time with their families, but surveys show those options are taken more seriously today, especially by younger men.

In a workplace survey conducted earlier this year by the Society for Human Resource Management, men ranked the need to balance work and home life higher than their female colleagues. And all workers younger than 55 ranked a good work-life balance higher than employees age 56 or older.

Younger workers, especially those younger than 35, put a higher value on time outside the office than their colleagues in the baby-boom generation, said Jennifer Schramm, manager for workplace trends and forecasting at the society.

Kevin Wright said the conflict between career and family has gotten more intense as his children have gotten older.

"I find it very difficult, especially at this point in my life," said Wright, who is 36 and working on a master's degree in business administration. "The question becomes: What are you willing to sacrifice?"

Wright, a senior financial officer with MBNA Corp., said he first felt the conflict between work and home obligations four years ago, when he had the chance to pursue a management position on the operations side of MBNA. Being a manager in one of the credit card company's money-making divisions would have meant putting in too many hours at night and on weekends, Wright said.

Instead, he chose the support side, where he works as an analyst on MBNA's resource allocation staff. Because the company is so big — it employs about 10,000 people in Delaware — Wright said, he has been able to pick a job that allows him to leave by 5 p.m.

He said he considers his choice temporary. When his children, who are 12 and 5, are older, Wright said he plans to shift more energy to his career.

According to the Census, since 1986 there has been a 54 percent increase in the number of men who stay home while their wives work, up from fewer than 2.4 million that year to more than 3.6 million in 2003. Those men are a small fraction of the 58.6 million married couples in America, but the increase shows there has been a subtle shift in how fathers perceive their roles, said workplace consultant Susan Seitel.

Wright, the MBNA employee, said he remembers his dad working all the time during his childhood in Philadelphia. He rarely saw his dad at Little League games or school functions. Among his peers, both single men without kids and married fathers, there is a different expectation, he said.

"We are in a different time now, and we think of fathering much differently than in the past," Wright said.