Posted on: Friday, November 26, 2004
 |
KISSES AND MISSES
Why must she date other men?
| • | More advice columns |
By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer
Hi Tanya: My dating situation is probably fairly common, and your advice may be useful to a great many people. I've been single about three years, dating on and off but never into a girl enough to actually commit. It just didn't feel right, you know? Recently I met a woman I'm extremely attracted to. She's very close to what I'd consider a perfect mate, and we have a great deal in common. It seems as if we both like each other a great deal and enjoy each other's company.
I feel I could easily fall in love with her.
The problem is she claims that right now she needs to date more than one person and admits to juggling three guys at once fairly recently. Thus far, she is unable to provide a reason as to why she feels she needs to do this. My initial reaction is that she's not that into me and I should probably remove myself from this situation before I wind up getting hurt.
Would I be giving up too soon, or should I try to stick it out and win her over? Thanks for your time and help.
— UP IN THE AIR
There's a guy-crazy time in a woman's life when juggling dates can be a thrill.
It's the day after Thanksgiving, and if you have houseguests who seem to be overstaying their holiday welcome, you're not alone. What's your coping strategy? Weigh in our weekly poll here. It's dating for the sake of entertainment, not necessarily for anything more serious.
Sometimes it's because a woman has been burned in the past and is afraid of commitment. Sometimes it's just because she's 25 and wants to sample the menu before she decides what she wants out of life.
But for most women, it's just a phase, a rite of passage before finding a relationship that sticks.
My instinct is to tell you to stick around and see if you can move up from No. 1 on her dating list to being the only one. Only you can decide how long you can handle living in limbo.
I'd say sure, try to win her over. But keep in mind there's a fine line between kicking things up a notch and trying too hard. You don't want to become a stalker.
A little confidence will go a long way. Be optimistic that you'll discover you're compatible, but prepare to move on if you feel like you're wasting your time.
If you are on the same wavelength, your relationship will come together naturally. Falling in love doesn't have to be all that hard. If it feels too hard, something's just not right.
Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.
It can build a girl's confidence and make her feel attractive, wanted and in control.
Be my guest?
