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Editor's Note: This time, just this once, Mike Gordon's daughters have taken over this space.

By Mike Gordon
Advertiser Staff Writer

Our dad was stumped this month for a column idea. We've tried to help him. We've thrown out ideas faster than an auctioneer.

He kept saying: No. No. No thanks, girls. Hmmm, maybe. Let me think.

Dad, helllooo! Beggars can't be choosers. LOL.

So we thought we'd write one for him instead so that he would stop being Mr. Grumpypants. We call it "Dad has a soapbox, and all he does is whine."

Think about what he whines about. First it was about how he wanted hair. Then it was about how he wanted a red truck. And last month he went on and on and on some more about how he was such a sucky athlete.

Geeze, get over it. You're 46. You're, like, over that hill already. What Dad doesn't get is that he has a more important role to fill. His Size-10 slippers will never be filled by anyone else.

He's the fixer when we break stuff, the go-to guy for sports and the one who suggests fun stuff to do, like surfing and going for ice cream.

He's the guy who lets us eat dinner in front of the TV when Mom's gone. He's also pretty quick to say "Micky Ds for dinner" when she's not home. Sorry, Mom. ;-)

Plus, he taught us some spicy expressions to say to people who shouldn't be allowed to drive because they are stupid morons. We never knew there were so many bad drivers out there.

But sadly, Dad also is the guy who can't remember the simplest things about his own children. He doesn't know whether we like orange juice or milk in the morning. Or whose socks and clothes are whose. (Well, at least he folds them for us. Thanks, Dad!)

He is the first one to lecture us about something. He does that a lot, thinks we're listening, likes to hear his own voice or something. Is that what other dads do? ROTFL.

He's so not into the finer things in life, like fashion and makeup and hair. Heck, he's a failure at making a ponytail. When you're as bald as he is, you don't get much practice.

He said he couldn't write about that stuff 'cause he'd be too embarrassed. Gee, like the other stuff wasn't embarrassing?

Our dad knows things, though, lots, and we like that he shares them with us.

It's just that most of them involve hard work and we're girls, so should we be forced to be out in the yard with a rake or walking the dog? He does a better job, anyway.

Maybe he should write about how different daughters and dads are. How they look at life from different perspectives but need each other 'cause they're family.

We know he means well. So if he wants to whine about his life, it's OK. But let's make this a two-way street; share our smarts.

We'll teach you how to make a ponytail, Dad, if you teach us how to burp.

Reach Mike Gordon at mgordon@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8012.