Posted on: Tuesday, October 5, 2004

ABOUT WOMEN
He's not into you? Get over it!

By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Relationships Writer

Forget Oprah giving away cars.

What really had my friends talking was her guest whose brutally honest advice about understanding men could become the next big catch phrase for women across America: "He's just not that into you."

Your date didn't call when he said he would? Your boyfriend still hasn't proposed? The guy you just started seeing disappeared? Your husband's unfaithful?

"He's just not that into you," is the stock answer for stand-up comic Greg Behrendt, co-author of a book by the same title.

Fans of the HBO hit "Sex and the City" may remember the line from the show. Behrendt was a consultant hired to provide a straight-guy perspective for the series. He wrote the book, "He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys," (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, $19.95) along with HBO writer Liz Tuccillo. Good luck finding it in bookstores. It's sold out.

So last week I tracked Behrendt down for an interview to see what the fascination is all about.

I found his e-mail address and messaged him, and he e-mailed back the next day, saying he had family in Hawai'i and would love to chat.

Then he promptly put me in touch with his publicist, who (so far) says he's been too busy to get back to me.

Just like an unavailable man who hasn't called.

This from the author who claims the word "busy" is like a relationship weapon of mass destruction.

I could try to make excuses for him. He's been hanging with the Big Dogs. Oprah. The Today show. CNN. The Late Late Show.

He must be so tired from work, so stressed out from his book tour that he just hasn't had time to call me.

I could keep chasing, hoping, waiting for my phone to ring, but why does it feel as if I'll just be disappointed?

I don't need a self-help book to figure it out. I can see where this is going.

It would be a waste of time to analyze why he hasn't called, wondering whether he was just trying to emphasize the concept of his book.

I get it, Greg. The oldest line in the book is that you're just too busy, when the real answer is that you're just not interested.

If that's how it's going to be, I'll just have to remind all of the women out there that it works both ways. We don't have to go beating ourselves up about being rejected.

So, Greg, if you ever get around to calling me, I'm really sorry, but I might have to step away from my desk to go wash my hair or something.

It's OK, I don't need your interview to finish my column. Don't bother getting back to me. I'm over it. I can write this without you. And honestly, this might hurt, but I just have to say I guess I just wasn't that into you, anyway.

Tanya Bricking Leach writes about relationships. Reach her at tleach@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.