Posted on: Monday, October 11, 2004

ABOUT MEN

By Michael Tsai
Advertiser Staff Writer

Man, I love an election year.

I love the electricity in the air as the candidates kick off their campaigns. I love the circuitous route the early pack of presidential hopefuls make from state to state, caucus to caucus, as they try to gain on each other, always remembering that the race to the party nomination is a marathon, not a sprint.

I dig the feints and jabs of each debate, the canny incumbent bobbing and weaving as the hungry challenger takes the fight to him. Toe to toe, mano a mano. Touch gloves and come out swingin'.

And this year, it's no slam dunk who'll win. With the Kerry campaign rebounding after two strong debates, it's sure to be a dogfight. But who knows what the Bush campaign has left in its playbook? Could there be an October Surprise to win it at the buzzer? Or will the big game end on a controversial call like it did four years ago?

Whatever the case, you can be sure that politicos, pundits and putrid feature columnists will continue to march upfield, circle the bases, go the distance, go the whole nine yards with lame sports analogies like these.

To be sure, little good has ever come of the marriage of sports and politics, two traditionally male-dominated professions given to comic overstatement and awkward populist pandering.

Still, the two continue to collide in their yin-and-yin orbits. Football coaches keep Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" and Niccolo Machiavelli's "The Prince" on their bookshelves and drop quotes from Winston Churchill at booster-club meetings. Politicians ingratiate themselves with the masses by donning State U letterman jackets and dropping the gratuitous "Woo Pig Sooey!" "Rock Chalk Jayhawk!" or "Let's Go Peay!" on the stump.

In modern American history, it was Richard Nixon who first and most gleefully transgressed the border between presidential decorum and every-guy fandom, making it a practice to call championship teams and sending Miami Dolphins coach Don Shula personally designed plays.

Of course, the consequences of screwing up the sports-op can be chilling. Bush the Younger might have driven the Texas Rangers into the ground during his stint as managing general partner, but it's the image of Kerry pitching one to the dirt at the start of a Red Sox-Yankees game that lingers most damningly.

While people shake their head at Bushisms like "Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease," and "I don't believe in intern camps," and "They misunderestimate me," Green Bay Packer fans may never forgive Kerry for calling venerable Lambeau Field "Lambert Field." And the Democratic nominee may have lost all of Ann Arbor, Mich., when he rambled on about the Buckeyes in the land of the Wolverines.

Still, things could be worse. As Americans, let's hope we never see Jack Kemp and Tom Osborne run against Bill Bradley and Alan Page.

Reach Michael Tsai at mtsai@honoluluadvertiser.com or 808-535-2461.