Posted on: Friday, October 29, 2004
KISSES AND MISSES
Message is in his flaky behavior
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By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Staff Writer
Dear Tanya: I met this really nice guy about nine months ago. But he is so confused about what he wants, I just don't know what to do. It all started when he text-messaged my phone. We started to text each other all the time.
The weird thing was he never did call me. He would mostly text, and we would chat on the Internet. We would meet up later in the night after hanging out with our friends and just cruise around town.
Then one day out of the blue, he decided to go back to his ex-girlfriend. I figured it was over, but he kept texting me and wanting to see me.
Then he and his girlfriend broke up again, and we started seeing each other again. We would go to the movies and he would want me to stay at his house every weekend and go to his house every morning before I went to work.
In the beginning, we were only supposed to be friends with benefits, but the funny thing was there were no benefits. We would always hang out and do things, but we never actually had sex. So when he told me we should stop seeing each other because we were getting too serious, I didn't understand what was happening.
Then he told me he was just with me for sex. Why would he have stayed that long if he was just wanting sex? He still text-messages me every now and then. What can I do to make him understand that he's a totally confused boy?
— TEXT MESSAGER If he's admitted he's using you, if he makes you his second choice, if he continues to disappoint you, what's the point?
Confused or not, he sounds like someone who would not make you much of a priority.
You're OK being with somebody who told you he's just with you for sex?
That's a rather shallow "friendship," isn't it?
If you want a superficial connection and nights of heartache, go for it and beg for him to come back to you.
But if you want a real relationship with true sharing, respect and intimacy, keep looking.
Start by taking a look at yourself and what you want out of dating. Is a text message from someone with an on-again, off-again girlfriend on the side enough for you to drop everything?
Or do you think it's time to set your standards a little higher?
Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.
Why bother even speaking to him anymore?
Up for debate
Can a relationship last if you get intimate before you really get to know each other? Vote here.
