'Wicker Park' fails to impress

By Tom Long
The Detroit News

WICKER PARK (PG-13) One Star (Poor) Complete balderdash about a guy who thinks he sees the long lost love of his life, but it turns out not be her, but maybe she's still worth searching for. The entire film revolves — very slowly — around a minor twist and then goes absolutely nowhere. Josh Hartnett, Rose Byrne, Diane Kruger, and Matthew Lillard star for director Paul McGuigan. MGM, 114 very long minutes.

Nineteen hours later, as the camera endlessly swirls around the film's final scene, you realize how terribly wrong you were.

"Wicker Park" isn't that long, it just feels that way. An adaptation of the French film "L'Appartement," it indeed adopts that long, slow approach that the French use in so many of their films to trick you into thinking there's actually something of substance going on. The French apparently like this. The French reportedly also like to eat frog's legs and snails.

Here's what's going on in "Wicker Park": A guy (Josh Hartnett) thinks he's stumbled upon the long lost love of his life, Lisa (Diane Kruger), a woman who left him with no explanation and then just disappeared. He really, really wants to find this woman because he really, really loves her. That's called motivation.

Instead he finds another woman who says her name is Lisa (Rose Byrne). Except she's kind of squirrelly. So he goes back to searching for Lisa No. 1. Meanwhile his buddy, Luke (Matthew Lillard), is dating a young actress who looks one heck of a lot like Lisa No. 2.

This is all spelled out in the approximate amount of time it would take to lay the foundation for a skyscraper. Then the big mystery is revealed, which isn't really that big, through a series of flashbacks (the filmmakers obviously believe there will be an Academy Award category this year for most flashbacks).

Then "Wicker Park" offers in slow detail (and a mountain of flashbacks) just how that not-so-exciting mystery came to be. And then the grand resolution to all this flashing back, fretting and searching arrives, which can be summed up in the phrase, "whoops, sorry."

Sorry's the word for sure. Nothing in this film warrants any attention. There are no thrills, psychological or otherwise, the plot twist comes halfway through and then gets beaten to death, and none of the characters takes on any depth or texture beyond their obsessions. In addition there are plot holes and plenty of unanswered questions.

Not that you'd want to stick around to have those questions answered. I saw this film on a Tuesday night and was sure it was Thursday by the time I left the theater. And you can't blame this on the French since director Paul McGuigan is from Scotland.

"Wicker Park" is one of those films that pretends to be about a great deal and turns out to be little more than a cheap card trick. Just be warned: You'll want your wasted time back.

Rated PG-13 for sexuality and language.