Posted on: Friday, September 24, 2004

By Lee Cataluna
Advertiser Columnist

This is an important trip home for Robert "Butch" May.

He's getting to know extended relatives he never met before. He's introducing his part-Hawaiian daughter, Olympic gold medalist Misty May, to the sands of his birth; and he will fulfill his late wife's wish by scattering her ashes in the place she loved the instant she saw it.

When Butch graduated (or almost graduated, as the story goes) from Saint Louis High School in 1959, he left for the Mainland. He never lived in his beloved Hawai'i again, though he says, "This is always home."

He raised his family in Costa Mesa, Calif., but kept close contact with home. When Misty was in middle school, he sent her to the Kamehameha Schools Explorations program.

"I try to show her things, like driving with your windows down past Sekiya's across from Kaimuki High School. That smell! I try to introduce those things to her."

Butch was an Olympic athlete himself. He was on the 1968 U.S. Olympic volleyball team that placed seventh in the Mexico City games. This year, daughter Misty and her partner Kerri Walsh became the darlings of the Athens Games after Misty came back from an injury for the duo to win gold in beach volleyball.

Misty is in town for the AVP "Best of the Beach" volleyball tournament, which started yesterday. The tournament is being held at Queen's beach in Waikiki, just a few blocks from where Butch grew up. This will be the first time Butch's extended 'ohana will get to see Misty play in person.

"Misty is beginning to find that here, she's always welcome. Any kid, if you come from any type of family, when you're taken in like that, how can you not love it here? The scenery matches all your thoughts. The weather is perfect. But it's how people treat you that makes it Hawai'i," Butch says.

Butch waited two years to bring his wife Barbara's ashes to Hawai'i. It's taken that long for the family to adjust to the loss.

"I keep thinking she's going to come home," Butch says. "But you have to learn to accept it. That's part of change."

Misty was one week away from graduating from Long Beach State when her mother died of cancer. Butch took Barbara's ashes to Athens so she could be near Misty during the Olympics.

When he speaks of his wife, Butch describes her with great admiration. "She was a good athlete. She was a good person." And he says it in a way to let you know that in his estimation, those two qualities are the true measure of a person.

This weekend, in a quiet family gathering, Butch and Misty will scatter Barbara's ashes in a pretty spot overlooking Manoa Valley.

"When you fly over or when you're here in the Islands, it's just another peaceful way of saying, 'Although I can't feel or touch you, I know you're present.' As far as spiritual, that's about as close as you can get."

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.