Posted on: Friday, April 29, 2005

COMMENTARY
Guys who play dumb get the girl

By Eric Edwards
Knight Ridder News Service

Having trouble with the ladies?

Maybe it's time to shut up and play dumb.

At least that's what David DeAngelo thinks.

The author of "Double Your Dating," DeAngelo took time out from his self-help book writing to tackle some self-help Net writing.

In an article titled "Why Very Intelligent Men Fail with Women," he claims there are 10 reasons that smart guys have more trouble with dating than "regular" or "dumb" guys do.

The article, which I found at a Web site called Bullz-eye.com, had me drooling with anticipation. DeAngelo's basic idea is that fellows who are too cerebral think they have all the answers and refuse to listen to the idiots who know how to get a phone number. Although DeAngelo's supporting arguments are flaccid and only a hair's breadth from being infomercial material, his initial notion that brains don't necessarily equal dating prowess is undeniable.

Smart guys have many failings.

A man who is blessed with massive, girl-bait biceps need only wear tight shirts and flex occasionally to get the message out. Guys who are using their financial standing as their hook will have few problems buying a status car and a Kenneth Cole wardrobe.

It's a lot harder to sell a brain. Few and far between are the opportunities for large-scale discussions of social order, the influence of Gnosticism on Christianity or the theories of Adam Smith.

Convincing women that we are indeed smart takes time because most women neither carry around IQ tests nor wish to hear about our SAT scores.

The smart guy is stuck with socializing with a woman and (with luck) keeping her attention long enough for her to see the spark of an animated brain. In the meantime, she may find the guy with the biceps very distracting.

For a smart guy to bring his talents quickly to the forefront — before the biceps take over — he must engage in a debate of sorts.

If he's lucky (and part of a group), he can sportingly take issue with something his buddy says. He can then safely dismantle his friend's arguments in front of an audience of admiring women.

Because that social setting isn't always available, Mr. Smarty will have to initiate a debate with the next viable candidate — the woman.

Then he's doomed. If he wins the debate, she will invariably feel lousy and maybe even dumb. When she starts feeling dumb, her instinct will be to find someone who makes her feel smart, and she will head toward the biceps. On the other hand, if he loses the debate, then he really hasn't made great headway toward proving his genius.

On top of all that, there is very little evidence available that women even want a guy who is that smart. Women prefer to be right. Even when they are wrong, women want to be right.

Because intelligent guys also feel they are right a lot of the time, conflict is bound to ensue.

But in the end, the smartest guys will end up with the girl by learning to lose the winning argument and then hit the gym for some work on those biceps.