Goofing off at work not as easy as it seems
By Larry Ballard
The only bad thing about writing an award-winning business column every other week is that it's difficult to be timely.
Sure, the sizable salary, complimentary merchandise and abbreviated work schedule are sweet.
But I get frustrated when I can't "seize the day," "strike while the iron is hot," or "simply copy from The Associated Press" when big business news breaks.
Now, I know what you're probably saying: "Hey, wait a minute, did he say 'award-winning' business column?"
To which I would reply: "Come on, that was several paragraphs ago. Keep up."
My point is, working only two days a month makes it hard to keep it current.
But before you call me just another slacker, carefully consider this point: When it comes to goofing off at work, I am nowhere near as bad as some of you people.
Of course, I have scientific evidence to prove it. According to a nationwide survey, American workers waste slightly more than two hours per day. That's a lot of screwing around, folks. Let me repeat for emphasis: a lot.
Even more interesting, I was told about a follow-up survey that showed human resources managers assumed a figure closer to 0.94 hours. (Leave it to HR people to not round off anything.)
The survey results were compiled by salary.com, which tried to put a price on all the goofing around and came up with $759 billion. Think about it: You could get upwards of three Paul McCartney tickets for that. And a small beer.
"Workers, on average, are wasting a little more than twice what their employers expect," salary.com's senior vice president, Bill Coleman, said. "That's a startling figure."
The survey found that:
Respondents told stories about primping in the bathroom, surfing the Internet, socializing, doing personal business, even having competitions to see who can get from one floor to the next the fastest.
Here are the top three excuses:
I have to admit, I was amazed at how much time is wasted by you guys and gals, but usually guys.
That's not the case here at my job. You see, life in the newsroom can be a pressure cooker. (Except on Mondays, when it's more like an Easy Bake Oven, and an intern can get on the front page with a feature about quilting.)
But most of the time, it's a fast-paced environment.
When the big story breaks, I like to contribute with my signature brand of cogent commentary and half-baked reasoning. Alas, I'm typically not scheduled to write for another 14 days.
Some would say the key is to make myself useful until my turn comes around again. (Others, including me, would tell those people to shut up.)
Instead, I have trained my staff to accept the fact that we'll just have to wait to get back in the game. Until then, we'll sit in the dugout and scratch, spit and assault an occasional TV cameraman.
(See? That baseball reference would have been funny a few weeks ago.)
It's that kind of frustration that can make your average twice-a-month business columnist say: "Hey, I'm just an average twice-a-month business columnist. Maybe I'll knock off early today and go watch the stair races over at Principal Financial."
