My wife and I recently celebrated our 16th anniversary, which is nothing short of a miracle. You see, I was never what one would call "marriage material." But I have a special skill that keeps our marriage going; I can shop. For clothes. Women's clothes.

For all the husbands out there who want to do something special for their wives, let me clue you in on some of my trade secrets.

First of all, make absolutely sure you know what your wife likes. This is not rocket science. Any husband who says they do not know what their wife likes simply has not been paying attention.

And there is no bigger turnoff than inattention! All it takes is a little research and data collection. Find the labels on her clothes; look for old packages, receipts or price tags that may reveal where she shops. Scrawl the info into your Palm Pilot or on a piece of note paper, and keep it with you at all times.

While you are rifling through her drawers, check for clothing sizes. Remember that women's clothing varies more than the weather depending on the brand, style, cut, designer, cloud cover over Mount Fuji and the current exchange rate for the rupee. Which is ironic considering it often comes in just three sizes — large, medium and eating-disordered.

The world is cruel for women. You may appreciate your woman of size, but sadly, they are socialized to believe smaller is better. The average dress size in the United States is about a 14. Women in clothing ads can fit inside a pool-cue case and are one step from the grave; usually size 0. Most have never visited a grocery store and all of them are blood bank rejects. Still, perception is reality, if your wife has clothing of various sizes, and she will, always purchase the smaller size. Trust me on this one.

By the way, make sure that you are home alone when rummaging through your wife's drawers. Being caught can be really embarrassing, I know. And remember, never, never try on her lingerie, you will stretch it out and get busted for sure.

Speaking of lingerie, my guess is that most men love buying their wife something a little spicy (I know I do) and that's fine. But if that is all you buy her, you're sending her a message she will read loud and clear: "You love me only when I am dressed like some vixen."

Buy her jeans and dresses and rubber slippers and let her know that you love her for all that she is. If all you want are the kinky undies, you should re-evaluate your relationship.

Do not let money stand in your way. I think one of the reasons my wife likes it when I shop for her is that I buy high-end stuff.

Let's face it, we live in Hawai'i and money is tight, but what she may never buy for herself, she will gladly accept as a gift. Even if all of your accounts are jointly held, she will cut corners to balance the books. You have just put her into one of the best double binds possible. She does not want to spend the money on herself, but more importantly, she does not want to offend you by returning your gift.

So you may be relegated to Spam musubis for a pay period or two, but believe me, they will taste like steak.

I am not saying that every husband should become a year-round secret Santa, but every husband should find a way to show he cares and that his wife matters.

I like to buy clothes. It is a skill, a talent that my wife appreciates.

We all have our flaws. None of us is perfect, but when we show our partner that we care it makes it easier to tolerate our shortcomings.

My wife may be the least superficial person I know, but when I go to bed at night, I thank the Lord for my marriage and I also thank Mango Moon, Ann Taylor, Morgan Beret, Cinnamon Girl, Villa Roma ...

Michael DeMattos is on faculty at the University of Hawai'i School of Social Work. He lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter and two dogs.