When Jeanette Nekota took in her aging mother seven years ago, she didn't realize just how overwhelming the responsibility would be. Especially since she still had two teenage daughters living at home.

"It was hard to balance everything," said Nekota, a 52-year-old social worker from Mililani. "You just had to figure it all out as you went along."

For five years Nekota cared for her mother, who suffered from dementia, bathing and feeding her while also caring for her daughters and holding down a demanding full-time job.

With help from Nekota's father, now 92 and living in a nursing facility in Seattle, the family built an extension onto Nekota's Mililani home to ease the space crunch. During the year the house was being renovated, Nekota shared her bed with her mom. Her husband, Derrick, slept on the couch.

But the hardest part of caring for her mother, who died two years ago, was dealing with her frequent wandering.

Nekota had to put latches on all the doors and reverse the locks so her mother wouldn't walk away. Her mother paced so much in the house that she wore a path in the rug.

"It was really depressing," Nekota said.

Nekota is one of 25 million baby boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 — in the United States who have parents or in-laws as well as children under 21 living at home, according to the AARP.

Part of the "sandwich generation," today's fiftysomethings may be caught in the middle between raising kids — or grandkids — while taking care of aging parents. In addition, they have careers, friends, hobbies and families, all of which are vying for their attention.

With people living longer — in Hawai'i, life expectancy is now 80 years — fiftysomethings are finding themselves in unfamiliar territory, worrying about their aging parents who may need care in the next decade or so.

"This is a group that's becoming more and more aware of the aging process, through their parents and their own aging bodies," said Cullen Hayashida, an educator and social gerontologist who's turning 60 this year.

It's an uncomfortable brush with mortality for fiftysomethings, who tend to start contemplating the meaning of life.

"At 50 you have more yesterdays than tomorrows," Hayashida said. "So at this point you ask yourself, 'What is my life all about? What's my legacy? How are my kids going to remember me? What can I leave on earth that's going to surpass me?' "

Most fiftysomethings have parents who are in their 70s or 80s and are still active and healthy. But the reality that they may need demanding care as they age is a common concern among people in this age group.

This will become a larger issue in the next few years as baby boomers — the largest population segment in America — age. In the next 15 years, 30 million people in America will turn 65. Add that to the 40 million who are already 65 and older.

In Hawai'i, more than 18 percent of the population will be 65 and older by 2020. The number of frail elders 85 and older is expected to quadruple over the next 50 years.

As healthcare expenses continue to rise, fiftysomethings need to plan ahead financially for both their parents and themselves. But it's easy — and typical — to sink into denial about the reality of death.

"You feel young and vital until you're dealing with mortality," said Carol Orsborn, an author and expert on aging and the boomer generation. "This is when you start to feel a lot older, a lot more emotionally vulnerable, a lot closer to the end of your own life ... It's like a dark tunnel. But once you emerge out of the other end and realize you have 20 or 30 years left, you go through a rebirth ... You say, 'Wow, I'm still here. And I have so much more to give.' "

Margaret Mortz, 57, worries about her 83-year-old mother who lives alone in Mo'ili'ili, though she's in good health.

"I see my mother getting older and giving up her independence," said Mortz, a retired federal worker who has overhauled her diet and fitness regiment in recent years to stay healthy. "I think about it a lot more now that I'm getting older."

What scares her is thinking about her father who passed away in 1980 from a stroke. He was 57 — Mortz's age right now. "Yeah," she said, "I see my mortality staring at me in the face."