Posted on: Tuesday, February 1, 2005

ABOUT WOMEN
Horn tap, rebel yell zap stress

By Christine Strobel
Advertiser Staff Writer

Maybe it's time Driving with Aloha got a jolt.

Don't get me wrong. There are many excellent qualities about Driving with Aloha: It's friendlier, road rage is a rarity, it fits with a no-rush lifestyle that keeps us less harried and frantic than people on the continent.

But our horns are such foreign objects that we're incapable of letting someone know they're doing something boneheaded. Boys driving souped-up plastic cars are cutting off boats-on-wheels with the braking capacity of a charging elephant, while everyone else just does their best to avoid them. We're required to wait quietly behind the Valium cases who seem to have forgotten that green means go and the gas pedal is on the right.

And it happens all the time! Just this weekend I was out for a run and watched a woman in a minivan — having a leisurely conversation on her cell phone — cruise right through a red light at the corner of King and Bethel Streets. Two cars swerved ... neither driver honked.

(Note to sexists: before you say, "Well, that settles it: Let's just get rid of women drivers," keep in mind the most expensive insurance demographic is young men.)

Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with a judicious use of the horn. But doing that here is unspeakably offensive. People in the Islands shudder with horror when it's used.

But we must communicate! Not only do we need to be alert stewards of the road, it isn't healthy to stew over everybody else's bad driving. Keeping that bottled up will only raise your blood pressure and cause an embolism. And that would really mess up your dashboard.

So I came up with some loose rules to give Island-style driving a backbone.

• Always wave. Some of you do it, but plenty don't. When somebody lets you cut in, or if you do something stupid, the rearview shaka or wave is a MUST. It used to just be the polite thing to do — let's make it law. A friend of mine who didn't get the shaka after letting some rude person cut in at Pearlridge mall screamed, "Eh, where's my wave!!?" and proceeded to tailgate the man for five blocks. Consider it a form of insurance.

• Nothing wrong with a horn tap. A long blare is bad, but a little tap can be a friendly gesture. So for all those multitaskers who are applying mascara and being the karaoke star while driving with your knees, don't look as though someone stabbed you when you get honked at. It's no big deal. Just drive. You can be a diva when your car is in park.

• Create a "What a jerk" phrase. My brother-in-law devised a fantastic part-Hawaiian, part-Mob-film expletive that had a perfect alliterative ring. We yelled it happily to ourselves whenever anyone did something that fell shy of a horn tap. We don't need to become boors, but privately letting loose a little steam will remedy that driving stress every time. Come up with your own!

Christine Strobel can be reached at cstrobel@honoluluadvertiser.com.