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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Monday, February 7, 2005

Go All-American route, be firm in desire to seal deal with shake

By Dana Knight
Indianapolis Star

The handshake is arguably one of the most important interactions in the business world — verbal or nonverbal — because with one grasp it reveals exactly who you are and what you're really about.

The All-American is the mother of all handshakes, the No. 1, top-of-the-list, overwhelmingly preferred shake in the business.

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"The hands can't conceal messages as the spoken word can," says Robert E. Brown, co-author of "The Power of Handshaking for Peak Performance Worldwide."

"Handshaking is a method and process for communicating that we've had with us since the beginning of time. It is extraordinarily important. It seals the deal."

There are 12 basic handshakes, according to Brown. They range from the finger squeeze (used to keep someone at a comfortable distance) to the water pump (a rapid, multipump shake that's a sign of someone overly enthusiastic about making a good impression) to the dead fish (cold, clammy and limp, showing no self-esteem) to the two-handed (the preferred method of politicians where they shake with one hand and place the other on your arm or shoulder).

Then there is the mother of all handshakes, the No. 1, top-of-the-list, overwhelmingly preferred shake in the business world: the All-American.

It's that warm, firm, palm-to-palm shake that a confident person with no hidden agenda gives. It's preferred by CEOs and schmoozers alike.

It's the one you should learn.

"It's straightforward. It's not dominating or submissive," says Brown. "It delivers a feeling of relaxed self-confidence."

Which is exactly how we all want to be thought of.

But isn't it odd that many of you, like me, had never thought about your own handshake until now?

We've all met the dead fish and the bone crushers (the guys who try to exert their power by squeezing your hand so hard you wince) and the pull-ins (the handshake of a person trying to lead you somewhere, or maneuver you, as he or she takes your hand and pulls you toward a door or a seat).

But what exactly is your handshake?

The royal handshake is a purposefully aloof clasp using just the fingertips as if the receiver is asking "Do you know who I am?"

The bone crusher handshake is one in which someone you've met tries to exert their power by squeezing your hand so hard you wince.

Jeff Sears proudly says he's the All-American kind of guy.

"Firm and confident, palm-to-palm, the web between the forefinger and thumb and a couple of pumps," says the 29-year-old account manager, describing his method of shaking.

Sears shakes quite a few hands working for a conference and event-planning firm in Indianapolis. He's also chairman of the board for the Indianapolis Jaycees, a volunteer organization for young professionals age 21 to 39 with 120 members, most of whose hands Sears has shaken.

"Today, I probably shook five or six hands in the first portion of the day," he says, including a waiter, business clients and an acquaintance he happened to meet on the street.

Those handshakes were fine.

"My pet peeve is the finger tip," says Sears.

Or the royal, as Brown describes it in his book, a purposefully aloof clasp using just the fingertips as if the receiver is asking "Do you know who I am?"

Handshaking originated during the Roman Empire — which would be about 2,000 years ago. It definitely didn't start as a business greeting or even an act of kindness. It began because of fear.

When a man met another man, he had to make sure he wouldn't be attacked, so the two either laid down their weapons or showed the empty palms of their right hands.

To be sure neither would go for the sword or lunge, the two grasped hands.

And that was the first handshake.

It evolved into a greeting that most people today give without thinking twice.

Considering exactly what it can reveal, maybe we all should give it a little more thought.