Coming home — and readjusting
By Treena Shapiro
Advertiser Education Writer
After returning home from Iraq two weeks ago, Chief Warrant Officer Peter Mansoor took three days' leave, then spent the next three days in Deployment Cycle Support classes learning how to readjust to home life.
Gregory Yamamoto • The Honolulu Advertiser
His wife, DeAnna, prepared for the reunion by watching a brief film put together by Army Community Service.
The sign in their carport reflects the joy of Peter Mansoor's reunion with his wife, DeAnna; son, Lucas, 11; and daughters Tia, 5, and Mya, 9. Dad's holding 1-year-old Jenna.
At Hanalani Schools, which three of their four children attend, the students regularly prayed for their deployed parents to return safely from Iraq and Afghanistan.
Some 4,000 soldiers have returned to Schofield Barracks and 6,000 more will follow over the next few months. The military is making sure these soldiers have strong support as they return home, and has partnered with local schools to make sure their children have support during what can be a difficult transition for all involved.
"When everything is unsettled at home, school can be the one safe place," said Kristina Noriega-Artis, the school liaison officer for Schofield Barracks. Noriega-Artis is part of a team of military and education officials training teachers and school staff how to help children cope with all stages of deployment.
The Joint Venture Education Forum, a partnership between the military and the Department of Education to help children of military families, has provided information to all public schools on how best to help children deal with their parents' deployments.
Peter and DeAnna Mansoor both say their family is enjoying the honeymoon phase of their reunion, reconnecting with backyard campouts, croquet, board games and just regular family activities. "It's been really good to be able to sit down and just have dinner together," DeAnna Mansoor said.
Teachers can do several things to help their students adjust to their parents' deployment or return. Play, art, writing exercises, classroom discussions and other activities can provide children with an outlet for their anxieties. Other things teachers can do include: • Be approachable, attentive and sensitive to the unique needs of children coping with deployment and family separations. Take the time to let children ask questions and address concerns and let them know about other professionals they can turn to. • After discussing a deployment-related event, end with a focus on the child's safety and the measures being taken on behalf of their loved ones. • Maintain a predictable, structured class schedule with specific rules and consequences to provide support and consistency for students. However, if there is news that is particularly distressing, teachers may want to find an appropriate time for students to share feelings, needs and fears. • Respond to events in a calm and caring manner, answer questions in simple, direct terms while helping students transition back to their normal studies and activities. Teachers should maintain objectivity and refrain from expressing political beliefs or possibly expressing negative opinions about military involvement. • Be patient and reduce student workload as needed, on a temporary basis. • Acknowledge and validate feelings. Let children know that feelings of loss, anger, frustration or grief are normal responses to separation. • Expect angry outbursts, but reinforce age-appropriate anger management and adjust interventions to ensure a climate of nonviolence and acceptance. Source: The Educational Opportunities Directorate of the Department of Defense
Peter Mansoor will be spending one-on-one time with each of his children so they can get reacquainted. "He's going to take each kid and it'll be their own special day, whether they go to the movie, or the mall or down to the creek," DeAnna Mansoor said.
What teachers can do to help children
But counselors working with military dependents warn the children that things might be difficult at home once the honeymoon period has passed.
Parents, particularly those who were stationed in combat zones, may experience posttraumatic stress, and their emotions could affect the entire family.
Children, who might have had more freedom while the parent was gone, might resent the additional authority.
Counselors advise teachers and parents to watch for students with persistent fears that disrupt their daily lives, sleep disturbances over several weeks, loss of concentration or irritability, atypical behavioral problems, an increase in physical complaints without cause and withdrawal from friends and family.
But the Mansoors consider themselves blessed. Having been through deployments before, though none so long or so dangerous, Peter Mansoor doesn't anticipate the problems readjusting that other families might experience, particularly those who had problems before the deployment.
"Some people think that the problems will be gone when they get back, but they have the same problems after the honeymoon period," he said. "We've been blessed to have no big problems."
He said it helps that his children were able to stay in the same school and same home for the entire time, which gave them added stability. Their church has also provided a great deal of support.
DeAnna Mansoor said she is prepared for some bumps in the road, "but for the most part, it's really good. This is something we've prayed about."
Maria Olipas, whose husband returned Saturday night from Iraq, said last week that her two children were eager to see him again. She was keeping his arrival time secret, since his return had been pushed back twice, and she kept the kids busy creating artwork, painting signs and helping around the house.
"They're excited," Olipas said.
She and her husband, Romel Olipas, an intelligence analyst, were both born and raised in Hawai'i, so she has a strong support system here and has not felt the need to turn to military counseling services.
Her children's teachers have been very supportive, she said. When her daughter's kindergarten classmate asked why the class had to recite the Pledge of Allegiance every day, her daughter stood up and said it was to support her father.
"They allow her to voice her opinion about the whole war thing," Olipas said. "The teachers understand that they're going through some changes."
The class mailed thank-you cards to Romel Olipas and other members of his unit.
Right before Romel left for Iraq, the family purchased a new house and the children changed schools, so he will have to make the adjustments that the rest of the family made a year ago.
"He's just going to have to get used to those things," said Maria Olipas, who noted that her husband is generally good about adapting to change.
She's not worried about having any problems reuniting. "I think it's going to be much better. Now I'll have a partner to help me."
Reach Treena Shapiro at tshapiro@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8014.
