Posted on: Monday, February 28, 2005

ABOUT MEN

By Michael Tsai
Advertiser Staff Writer

One-two-three-four!

Hey-ho, what better way to start the day than the classic Ramones call to flailing arms. Heck, we should all start every new day, every new project, every simple act with a barking Dee Dee Ramone count-off in our heads.

Starting your car? One-two-three-four ... vroom! Taking a shower? One-two-three-four ... lather!

Another column? One-two-three-four ... type!

When Joey and Dee Dee Ramone, twin heads of what might have been the greatest guy band of all time, started off with that yawppy, rapid-fire count-off, you knew whatever came next would be five parts earnestness, zero parts virtuosity.

With guitarist Johnny Ramone and a Spinal Tap drummer-of-the-month rounding out the band, the Ramones made quick and dirty art out of a simple declarative statement, two chords, and three minutes of holding on for dear life.

Sadly Joey, Dee Dee and Johnny have all moved on to the great CBGB in the sky, leaving the rest of us to contemplate the masculine beauty of the their defiantly literal messages.

If surety, even surety about the irrelevant, is a classic guy value, then the Ramones were its most eloquent champions.

They knew who they were ("We're a Happy Family") and who their friends were ("Sheena is a Punk Rocker," "Heidi is a Headcase"). They knew what they wanted ("I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend," "I Wanna Be Sedated," "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue"), and what they didn't ("I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You," "I Don't Wanna Go Down to the Basement").

Pre-dating our fascination with public confession and Dr. Phil therapy, the oddball foursome were the first rock act to openly embrace the psychiatric profession ("Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment," "Psycho Therapy," "Teenage Lobotomy").

And while the band was rarely overtly political, when they did choose to address issues of the day, they always anchored their statements in the personal. When, for example, they skewered Ronald Reagan for visiting a German cemetery where Waffen SS soldiers are buried ("Bonzo Goes to Bitburg"), they punctuated their critique with the astute observation, "my brain is hanging upside down."

It's heartening to see that even in the era of Blink-182 boy-punk, — when Green Day is regularly referred to as (cross yourself) the "godfathers of punk" — the Ramones remain iconic. The terrific Ramones documentary "End of the Century" was a film festival darling last year and is scheduled for an April showing on PBS.

Why? Maybe it's because there are still kids who believe that you shouldn't have to be pretty, or articulate, or even intelligent to be relevant. That simplicity has it's own beauty and its own furious velocity. And that every good thing should come to an end with ...

Gabba gabba hey!

Gabba gabba hey!

Gabba gabba hey!

Reach Michael Tsai at mtsai@honoluluadvertiser.com or 535-2461.