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The Honolulu Advertiser

Posted on: Tuesday, January 4, 2005

We're trying to set a date

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By Leila Wai
Advertiser Staff Writer

I think my boyfriend and I are celebrating our first anniversary next week.

Or maybe it's this week. Or today.

I'm not really sure, which isn't unusual in today's dating world. Like many other couples out there, we never really set an official date. The relationship sort of just evolved into what it is now.

We met in October, were dating by December and were "exclusive" by mid-January.

Not exactly a concrete date to plan a celebration around.

It seems like the older you get, the more communication skills you should know. But it doesn't always happen.

For example, when you are dating someone, you stop talking about things important to a relationship.

Like when it began.

I wish it could be as easy as elementary school, when the start of the relationship was often signified by a simple check of a box: Do you like me? Check Yes or No.

Instead, over countless University of Hawai'i basketball games, dinners, the occasional movie, and meeting each other's families, we found ourselves in a full-fledged relationship, but with no idea of when that actually took place.

I polled some of my closest friends to find out when they picked their dates.

One said initially they didn't have one because, "At first we didn't believe in it, but as a girl, its nice to celebrate," she said. They chose their special day on the date of their first date.

Another, when I asked, wailed, "We don't have one either! It sucks, right?"

Another friend's dating anniversary is on her birthday, because, again, it was their first date.

My sister and her man set theirs on the day of their first date, too. He even gave her a present to celebrate their six months of togetherness — a L.A.M.B. designer handbag by No Doubt's Gwen Stefani.

(It led me to ask my guy why I didn't get flowers on my bed, but that's another story).

Based on my friends, we should have been celebrating our one-year back in October, sometime.

But we even argue over the date of our first "date."

I say it's when he waited hours for me to get off work so we could go to Ryan's Grill at Ward Centre and have drinks (water for me) and appetizers.

He can't remember that far back.

We initially set our anniversary date for New Year's Day. Cute, right?

Didn't happen. Couldn't.

Boyfriend was busy watching football, which started at 6 a.m. It's been that way all season. Yep. All season. It's what I get for dating an Iowa Hawkeyes fan.

And all of this is OK.

If one year together has taught me anything, it's that this at least gives him some more time to top my sister's boyfriend's present — by mid-January.

And if it's good, maybe this new-age dating system isn't so bad after all.

Reach Leila Wai at lwai@honoluluadvertiser.com or 535-2457.