Posted on: Tuesday, January 25, 2005

ABOUT WOMEN
No-good, stinkin' rats! Drat!

By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Relationships Writer

It was as if my appliances were ganging up on me.

First my dishwasher flooded.

Then I put a load of laundry in the washer and had my own little tsunami in the kitchen.

Then I put wet towels in the dryer and the dryer belt broke.

Three appliances in one day. It was a record.

The maintenance man arrived, with frightening words: "Do you have a problem with rats?" he asked.

At first, I was in denial.

The pitter-patter of little feet around my house used to be my dog.

Now there's a rat race going on, and the dog and I are losing.

Why wasn't I alarmed when I noticed dog food in the stove drawer? This morning, I saw dog food stashed under the dishwasher, and I know my dog doesn't know that many tricks.

It's those pesky thieves that are leaving a trail of red dirt up my water heater and those pipes to the attic.

I thought calling an exterminator, patching holes and putting out traps would solve the problem.

Then I read about how rats can wiggle through a hole the size of a quarter and that a female rat can breed five times a year.

I shouldn't have started Googling rat problems. I read about how they can swim up your toilet. Truth or urban legend? I'm not sure, but I don't want to find out. I've been flushing my toilet as a new ritual upon entering the bathroom.

An exterminator put sticky traps in my attic. As I tried to sleep one night, I heard what sounded like little paws (getting stuck, maybe!) mere feet above my head. But when the maintenance man checked my attic, nothing.

That rat probably gnawed off its leg to escape.

Then I went to do another load of laundry last night (with my replacement washer) and found another flood instead of clean clothes.

It is like Groundhog Day at my house, except with rats.

RATS! Dirty, no-good, stinkin' rats.

Yuck.

I keep a clean house. Now I have the stigma of those nasty creatures inhabiting the same space.

And the problem seems to be multiplying.

At first, I was embarrassed, as if I had lice or something. Then my neighbors confessed to having the same problem.

Is poison the answer? I don't want to kill the dog or smell rats decaying in my walls.

Move? It would be a pain, but it's a thought.

Cut down the mango tree next door? My neighbor probably wouldn't like that.

Stake out the kitchen with a baseball bat each night?

I may resort to wrapping aluminum around everything, like you see on palm trees, to keep rats from inching their way to places they're not wanted.

Or maybe I should just get a cat.

Reach Tanya Bricking Leach at tleach@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8026.