Posted on: Friday, January 28, 2005
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KISSES AND MISSES
Married but hooked on a friend
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By Tanya Bricking Leach
Advertiser Relationships Writer
Tanya: Aloha. I'm faced with a dilemma I'm sure others have been through, and I hope you have some insight because it's leaving me confused.
I met my husband eight years ago, and it was an instant connection. I found out we were pregnant, and four months into the pregnancy we were married. Since then, we've had our ups and downs like any married couple.
Except our relationship has gotten to the point where we don't connect anymore. Recently I met someone I have found a connection with. He opened up his life to me, and we've grown close as friends. But I can feel there is something more between us.
There are words that are left unspoken, and I can feel vibes from him as well. He has been in a seven-year relationship and is planning on marrying his girlfriend. I can't see myself saying anything to him about how I feel, because I don't want to ruin the relationship they have (even though he constantly complains about her and they're always fighting). I also don't want to lose our friendship.
I still love my husband and care about him a lot, but not in the same way anymore.
The bad part about all of this is we both see this person one to three times a week because we all hang out together.
How can someone care so much about two men, yet not be able to be with either one of them? What should I do?
— LOVING 2 MUCH
Are Internet date seekers really available? Have you ever run a personal ad when you were already married? 'Fess up in our weekly relationships poll. So loving you're willing to make people miserable.
Do you really think I'm going to give you the OK to have an affair?
Let's think about that for a minute: You risk breaking up your marriage and his marriage-to-be because you just can't resist each other?
I say go for it if you want to screw up lots of people's lives. If you're that selfish.
But you know that's not the right thing to do. It could create a lot of heartache for everyone involved.
You don't even know for sure that this guy would risk it all for you anyway.
If you still love and care about your husband, see if you can remember why.
Try putting your energy into reconnecting with the man you married instead of chucking it all for a crush you don't have to see three times a week.
Ever hear of the seven-year itch? You've got it. Maybe you should seek professional help (counseling, maybe?) for a cure.
Need advice on a topic close to the heart? Write to relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach at Kisses and Misses, The Honolulu Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail kissesandmisses@honoluluadvertiser.com.
Poor you. You're so loving.
MARRIED AND STILL LOOKING?
