Until May, when the state Department of Human Services released confidential files about Peter Boy, his half brother, Acol had been able to keep those thoughts in check.

But the files opened old wounds for Acol, now 18 and living on the Mainland.

"I was reading them and I was thinking I should have been there for him," he said recently.

"I should have been a better brother. But kids ... I guess I just couldn't do it. It's just ... I felt like I could have done something, but I was young. I just wish now I could have done something."

Peter Boy disappeared sometime in the spring or summer of 1997. The Big Island child would have turned 6 that May.

His father, Peter Kema Sr., told authorities that he granted custody of the child to a family friend during an ill-fated job-hunting trip to O'ahu in August 1997. Police have never been able to confirm the existence of the friend, a woman the elder Kema identified as Auntie Rose Makuakane.

Big Island police initially investigated the child's disappearance as a missing person's case but changed it to a homicide investigation when they turned over the case to prosecutors in 2000.

No one has been arrested or indicted in the case. However, police recently have begun to re-interview people who may know what happened to Peter Boy, and the prosecutor's office is planning its own round of interviews.

The children in the family come from two different fathers but the same mother. Jaylin Kema has four children, all of whom were taken from her by the Family Court. Allan Acol, the oldest, and his 16-year-old sister, Chauntelle, were the product of an earlier relationship. Peter Boy and a sister, 12-year-old Devalynn, were fathered by Peter Kema Sr. after he married Jaylin.

Because Chauntelle is still a minor, her father, William Collier, did not want her to be interviewed. Devalynn lives on the Big Island with her maternal grandparents.

'No longer in our life'

Acol can remember the last day he saw Peter Boy. Although he can't give an exact date, he thinks it was in April or May 1997. The family was living near Pahoa in Nanawale Estates.

Acol and Chauntelle were given a cane knife and told to prune bushes and overgrown trees in the backyard of their home. Peter Boy and Devalynn remained at the family's house.

There was a commotion, but Acol and his sister were too afraid to get close enough to see what was happening.

Later that day, Peter Kema Sr. told them that Peter Boy "was gone," Acol said.

"He was no longer in our life," Acol said. "He didn't tell us what happened. He said Peter Boy was with family. That was what we were supposed to say. He was with relatives on O'ahu, working in a taro patch."

The children never saw Peter Boy again, Acol said.

Peter Boy didn't move with the family to Kaumana in June 1997, despite what Peter Sr. told a social worker that same summer, Acol said. And the child was never flown back to the Big Island for an August meeting with social workers, as Jaylin Kema has long maintained, he said.

"He was at Pahoa and then he was out of our lives," Acol said.

If anyone asked where Peter Boy was, Acol said, he was told to say he was on O'ahu.

"That was a little hard to believe, but I was young, so I thought it must be true," he said.

Questions about Peter Boy's fate gained momentum in the months that followed as social workers, the Family Court and Hilo police investigated the child's whereabouts.

Ultimately, the three remaining children were taken away from Peter Sr. and Jaylin Kema by the Family Court. Acol and his sister Chauntelle have been with their natural father since 1999, growing up on the Mainland.

Peter Kema Sr. is believed to be living in the Hilo area, but could not be reached for comment about Acol's account. He has not spoken publicly about the case since 1998 and earlier this year turned down an interview request. Late last month, Jaylin's attorney said his client was not interested in speaking about the case.

The last time Acol spoke with his mother and Peter Sr. was 1998. He said he has no desire to see either of them.

Acol said when he was younger he hated his mother. That's changed, however.

"You can't hate her forever," he said. "Still, I don't like the things she has done."

He has been back to the Big Island, though. In 2003, Acol was flown back to the Big Island by police and questioned in the backyard of the Nanawale Estates home. Acol said he worried that he would see Peter Kema Sr. on that trip. But the presence of Acol's natural father, who joined him on the trip, made him feel safe.

Frightening punishment

Punishment at the hand of his stepfather always left Acol "scared out of my mind," he said.

Memories of his stepfather occasionally haunt him in dreams. They hold his subconscious so tightly that Acol said he has trouble waking up.

"In my dreams he is always there," he said. "There is still fear. But I don't think now I could be afraid of him. But that might change if I see him."

This isn't the first time Acol has spoken about his half brother and cruelties inflicted by his stepfather.

In a 1999 interview with The Advertiser, Acol and his sister described beatings and death threats, and how they had been forced to sleep outside. Punishment was always worse for Peter Boy, they said. Once, the elder Kema repeatedly shot at Peter Boy with a BB gun, Acol said.

Among the documents recently released was a statement by Acol's half sister that left him speechless.

The sister told a psychologist in June 1998 that she saw Peter Boy "dead in her father's car trunk." The girl, who was 5 at the time, also told the psychologist that she saw "Peter Boy in a box 'dead' in her parents' closet and they took the box to Honolulu."

Acol said it was a story he had not heard himself.

"I didn't know any of that had happened," Acol said. "I knew of the times he was transported in the trunk of the car, but he was still alive. But I didn't know about what she had seen.

"I was shocked."

Acol has tried to put all this behind him, and growing up on the Mainland helped.

He has another year of high school and hopes to attend community college after that. He'd like to become a radio disc jockey and mix songs at parties.

It isn't easy to remember the things that happened when he was younger. Each memory is its own painful chapter, but in the end, anger takes over.

Blaming authorities

Acol blames Big Island authorities — especially social workers in the Hilo office of the Department of Human Services — for not acting more quickly.

Allegations of abuse and a possible broken arm, reported in April 1997, initially did not receive a high priority. The case was not assigned to a social worker until June 17.

"Their timing was bad, oh, my gosh," Acol said. "They could have done something earlier. They should have checked even if it was a false alarm."

Instead, weeks passed without an investigation. Whatever happened to Peter Boy happened during that stretch of time, Acol said.

"It could have been prevented," he said. "He would have probably gone to a foster home for a little bit, but Peter Boy would still be here right now."