Somehow the "Sufficiently Amusing Four" just doesn't sound right. Neither does the "Amazing But Just Adequate Four." Something's missing.

And that's the problem with "Fantastic Four," a film that's nowhere near as fantastic as it should be. Something's missing. And that something is most likely a strong director.

Unbelievably, director Tim Story was handed one of the most anticipated action franchises in film history on the basis of having the urban comedy hit "Barbershop" three years ago.

As a result "Fantastic Four" looks exactly like an action film directed by the guy who did "Barbershop." It meanders, it stops and starts, and it's filled with spats and squabbles. People stand around shooting the breeze and playing little pranks when the entire film should be exploding.

It certainly doesn't help that the script was co-written by Michael France, whose previous comic-to-movies credits include bombs "The Punisher" and "The Hulk." How does one stay employed after writing such films?

There oughta be a law. Because if any comic book series ever deserved better, it's "Fantastic Four," the original Marvel sensation. There is one glaring exception — the actors cast in the starring roles shine (you could even say one's on fire). Please, Hollywood, please: Don't abandon this franchise. Just find the right people to run it.

"Fantastic Four" is the story of four friends who get bombarded by some sort of cosmic rays while up in outer space doing cosmic ray research. There's hothead pilot Johnny Storm (Chris Evans), his scientist sister Susan Storm (Jessica Alba), grunt man Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis) and big brain Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd). Financing them all and along for the space ride is the aptly named Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon of "Nip/Tuck" fame).

All of them get sprayed with the kind of magical outer space glitter only seen in comic books and movies, and after returning to earth they all find themselves transformed. Johnny (The Human Torch) can burst into flame and fly. Sue (Invisible Girl) can become invisible and wield force fields. Reed (Mr. Fantastic) can elongate all his body parts. And Ben (The Thing) turns into a super-strong mass of orange rock material.

At first they all wonder what they're going to do with these powers. Von Doom, on the other hand, is transformed into a metal conductor of electricity and quickly decides to become evil. Hey, his last name is Doom, what did you expect?

The film takes far too long getting everybody into space, blasting them with the magic rays and then revealing their powers. Then it spends too much time cooping the four heroes up in Reed's lab/apartment while he works at reversing the rays' effects (this, of course, is understandable in terms of now-ugly Ben but why the others would want to shed their gifts is never clear).

In fact, there are only two real action sequences. One finds The Thing wreaking unintentional havoc atop a bridge to New York City and it's fairly cool. The other is the grand finale battle with Dr. Doom. Other than that, you mostly get parlor tricks.

And comedy, but the funny stuff here isn't all that funny, or at least not funny enough to occupy so much space. The Thing's signature cornball exclamation was always "It's clobberin' time!" Well, there's not near enough clobberin' time in this movie.

One thing (no double entendre intended) the film does get right for the most part is casting. Chiklis is darn near perfect as The Thing, all gruff bulldog bluster and charging intuition. Evans actually makes The Human Torch likable, despite the script's attempts to paint him simply rude. And Gruffudd plays the fumbling-heart think-too-much scientist well. Besides, he actually looks like he might be able to stretch like that.

And then there's Alba, who looks about as much like a scientist as Dame Judi Dench looks like a porn star. She bears no resemblance to the Sue Storm from the comic book, brings no discernable distinctions to the character and mainly seems to be in the movie because she's hot.

"Fantastic Four" is not a complete flop — the characters are too good, some of the humor works and when it rocks, it rocks. But it could have been, should have been, a much better movie. Let's hope Hollywood gives it a second shot in more competent hands. We all deserve some quality clobberin' time.

Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action, and some suggestive content